To Give YOU a Future and a Hope.

I was given an unlikely vision once.  This vision changed my present.  And my future.  After thirty years of rarely playing the piano, I had come into the time, the opportunity, and a beautiful baby grand piano upon which to play.  Not only that, but my life had joined with Dave, and he, with his accomplished fingers and repertoire, created motivation for me to practice and regain my hidden former abilities on the piano.  However, my vision came unannounced and caught me unprepared. 

It happened this way:

A neighbor had given Krystal and I tickets to hear a piano concert.  I was grateful for this proffered opportunity to give enthusiasm to Krystal’s newly awakened opportunity to make music on the piano. I had just started regularly teaching her how to play. The celebrity pianist hailed from Russia and over the course of the evening shared little snippets of not only the music and composers she would be highlighting, but her own life as well.  She disclosed that she had grown up in a home where she had, as just a matter of fact part of her life, been compelled to practice five hours each day, beginning at five years of age.  Perhaps it was the hours spent practicing, but I believe that it was something far more, that transformed her playing into magic to my ears.  And to my soul.

During her recital of many timeless songs, I sat transfixed.  In awe, I was transformed into a goo-goo-gah-gah limp rag, totally lulled and moved by the elegance with which she gifted me, both mind, spirit and body.  I had rarely sat so bound and gagged physically, yet she bewitchingly cast a spell over my spirit, propelling me to new levels of hope for my own future musical growth.

Within previously familiar songs, conversations and emotions came to life.  I heard stories.  I felt sensations.  I was moved to both tears and chuckles.  I felt nuances and depths that I’d previously been unaware of.  Stunned, I viewed this former stranger as a Goddess.  Literally!  One who had exchanged her eternity to prepare for that one magical evening’s conjuration.  It worked upon me.  And because of that one experience, my life has been transformed.  I realized, and vowed that night, that if I committed to even five minutes each day of determined “practice”, that at some point within my own eternity, I would be able to create a similar experience for others.  I would be able to achieve intimate communion with the instrument that would continue to move not just myself but any listeners.  This I knew I could do.  This I would do.

Though I hope to be able to someday offer divine strains of bewitching music to move and elevate your soul, Dear Reader, it is through the transferred vibrations of thought and feeling while utilizing my present medium of *words* that I diligently apply myself for you.  My writings, and the messages they contain, represent my life’s “magnum opus”.  This present sonata contains my discovery of my Self and my inherent gifts wrapped up and packaged with words for YOU.  My intention is to use letters and symbols and break the rampant spell of blindness and complacency, giving you a hope, a true hope, to compel you on to your allotted journey’s end with its reward.  It is my deepest desire that my life will increase YOUR vision, giving you a heightened perspective from which to consider those formerly unknown or under-appreciated hints that lay scattered freely, awaiting their discovery.  For You. 

Like a playful young child who has discovered mother’s discarded knitting needle, as part of my path, I must, I WILL, go around and pop each of your illusory bubbles.  Without apology, I offer instead of those dashed dreams and false understandings, the revelation of the actual meaning of each symbol, an increased knowing.  One that will, if allowed, propel YOU into further hope for a life of enhanced health, joy and, even (yes, I truly and literally mean what you are about to read)… immortality.

So there.  I have now spoiled the punch line for you.  But, together we can give a hearty laugh.  The joke has been on each of us.  We have believed we have been participating in a global “tragedy” of a cosmic “reality” show known as “As the World Turns”.  Our true hope has been mutilated and transformed into despair, but this despair has masqueraded as reality.  People have hidden their jewels, their passion, their souls.  Yet it turns out that we each have the power lying dormant within us to transform our united show into a grand and tenderly empowering drama of unification and joy.

Because my own personal drama cannot reach its conclusion until you and each of you catch the vision and transform your own lives, I will not cease my efforts until you do.  Then, I will have succeeded.  Then my joy will be full.  THIS is MY *HOPE*.

Therefore…

My Purpose: 

TO INSPIRE HOPE!

But, in order to in-spire a true and living hope, I must first expose the myriad counterfeit hopes bought into and rampant today.  Those that result in death.  Death to the spirit.  Eventual death to the body.

 By organizing and clarifying the “hidden hints”, I will RALLY HUMANITY IN FOCUSED ACTION TO BRING FORTH WHOLENESS, JOY, and PARADISIACAL LIVING!

I will continue using as my template the proffered and in-spired and life-giving words of Christ.  To give you a future.  And a hope.

 Although intended to sweep the entire earth, blessing everyone, my primary targets are the sleeping members of the LDS Church and those—also still asleep—who have moved beyond any organized religion and yet still are unaware of the current traps they are in.  Actually, I desire to appeal to ANY AND ALL who are ready… to awake and arise.  Nevertheless, whoever finds their way to the elucidation of these principles has been forewarned.  That must include even you!

I love you, dear Reader.  Read on!

~~~~~

The well-known fable ‘The King’s Highway’ has inspired readers for generations.  In this allegorical story, a king must choose an heir to the throne. The king announces that whoever best travels his highway to the castle will be crowned the new king. But a pile of rubble on the king’s highway is blocking passage. Watching the splendid parade of wealthy travelers, a shepherd boy named Michael decides to help and clear a path big enough for all the travelers to pass. In so doing, he uncovers an object that will make him the new ruler of the land.

"I am sorry it is so late, Your Highness," whispered Michael, his voice trembling. "I found this while traveling. No one was left to return it so I have come." Then carefully unwrapping his bundle, he revealed the king’s ring for all to see.

Taking the ring in his hand, the wise king looked first at it, then at Michael. "That ring is not mine," he said.

"But it must be yours, Your Majesty," said the boy. "It bears your crest."

"Yes, it does bear the crest of royalty," said the king. "But the ring now belongs to you. I proclaimed that he who best traveled the highway would become the new king. By clearing the road so that all could travel, you showed that it is not fine clothing, fancy horses, or even great wealth that makes a king. It is by serving others that one becomes great."

~~~~~

AYE, A DIGGER BE *I*!

All of my life I have sought truth.  My autobiography shares the nuances and details, but, suffice it to say, I have labored diligently to uncover the treasures hidden beneath the rubble as I have traveled my own life’s journey.  I wanted truth!  The “Pearl of Great Price”.  Yet, unknowing that I already contained it within my own soul, I often looked to others.  Again, my personal story shares the details.

When I discovered “The Sealed Portion of the Book of Mormon” on Christmas Eve of 2004 and spoke with the translator, Christopher Nemelka, I immediately placed him above me in my mind.  He soon began emailing and calling me, always careful to protect my agency and preserve my blindness, while giving me hints along the way.  I was to learn that my personal blindness was not because I did not have spiritual eyes, or that those eyes did not work perfectly, but My personal blindness was because I doubted their ability.  I lacked confidence in the sight and understanding they provided.  Thus, I looked to him to see for me.

Yet, Chris gave me hints as I was ready.  Often these hints came wrapped in what appeared as vile rebukes and dismissives.  I soon began to see those rebukes as beautiful opportunities to glean what he was not permitted to openly disclose to me.  I finally accepted in September of 2006 that my leaving Him (the “true messenger”) was requisite for me to find ME—my True Self!  And, finding ME, I would discover who I AM, “the mysteries of God”, my gifts, my proper role, and my future.  THIS was his message!  Listen to NO ONE outside myself as I already KNEW how and continually practiced hearing the ONE within me!  Oh, what an amazing journey it has been as I have been traveling “the King’s highway” in earnest seeking to know who I am.

What follows is a portion of an exchange of emails between us where he initially tries to get me to know that I do not need him… never have.

~~~~~

(me:)

January 10, 2005

“Hi, Friend,

(Or is that too casual a greeting for a prophet???  J  ) …”

(Chris:)

January 12, 2005

“Dearest Kimberly,

I am nothing but a friend, brother and servant to YOU.  I cannot be a prophet to you, for a prophet is sent to condemn the false doctrine, pride and wickedness of men and women who have forgotten the Father and who have been misled by others.

YOU do not need a prophet, my dear friend.  J …”

~~~~~

Because my nature is to SERVE OTHERS, I have continually attempted during my life to elevate one and all above myself.  It has taken me these many years of profound life experiences to… FINALLY… accept the totality of the gift of WHO I AM and present it through these offerings TO YOU, Dear Reader, for the hopeful good of all.

Although the message is so simple, society and conditioning scream so loud that it is hard for most to hear the profoundly still voice within.  I will continue to do my best as an instrument for *The Powers That Be* to amplify their messages so that YOU can hear, understand, receive a True Hope, and proceed into Your proper future.  As a fully clarified, empowered, wisdom-wielding “prophet”.  Who You Truly Are.

Vastly understood and twisted by organized religion are the three tools titled:  “Faith”, “Hope” and “Charity”.  The Sermon on the Mount reveals the true nature of each of these.  Indeed, the entire message of “Christ” is how to understand and apply these tools to one’s life.  Instead of understanding the message, however, OR EVEN “the MESSENGER” (!) people have continued groping their way through the wilderness blindly.

Depression has set in.  Mankind has become, as a global whole, aimless.  Lukewarm.  Continually dousing their own and others’ pure desires and hopes.  Adulterating their beauty while doing the same unknowingly to others.  I, myself, as I acknowledged in a recent post, struggled for many years with a sense of futility, even causing me at times to believe I would be of more use to mankind outside of this body.  I have seen many catch a partial vision offered through the *Marvelous Work and a Wonder*, leave “the world” (“Babylon”, organized religions, relationships that no longer served them, stuff, trappings of the material world, etc.) and enter with the messenger into the wilderness where they continue going round and round in circles, looking, now, to OTHER “stuff”… alcohol, sex, him, etc. to appease their own sense of insufficient hope.

Yet, there IS a Future awaiting each one of us!  A beautiful, JOY-filled future!  Back in “the Garden”.  As a Zion society.  It is My gift to beacon and call those wandering in the desert to enter therein.  With their True Selves.  And me.  Jeremiah 29:11:  “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

HOPE is the intrinsic measure of our humanity, or better, that which we FEEL can be possible in spite of the improbabilities that SEEM to be part of our PRESENT experience.

It is my great privilege and portion of “the work” to find the ones who haven’t given up.  My “pearl” is assisting each to gain a pure and unadulterated hope.  A “Hope in Christ”.  Digging into the pile of rubble in the King’s Highway until they each find their treasures and realize that their greatest joy is offering them to the rest of struggling humanity. 

As “Moses” and “Jesus”:  “Would to God that ALL MEN were prophets!”  But… until each has climbed and become settled upon their spiritual mountain, they require a prophet, a true messenger, a TRUE messenger.  However, at the top, we will each become the divine and holy being that we are. 

As I have been digging for so many years, I have a huge stock-pile of treasures to share.  Only as I do share and to the degree that I make it a priority to share (now that I am finally and completely “settled” myself on the top of my own spiritual mountain), will I claim the reward promised from correctly utilizing “faith, hope and charity”.

Let the “laborer in Zion” labor FOR Zion!  And Blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth My Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost.  (1 Nephi 13:37)

To be continued…  J

A Whole New World! (“ZION”)

Ten days ago, eleven-year-old Krystal realized her long-held dream.  She became a “mother” when we adopted two male kittens.  Although we had anticipated finding either two females or one female and one male so that Krystal could witness and participate in the cycle of life and mothering through her own pets, we adapted our former idea when we found “Tiger” and “Shadow”, two nine-week-old brothers.  Realizing that neither one of our male cats would deliver kittens, still we felt to proceed with the adoption.  And we were immediately smitten with their precious adorability!

 

Gratefully, the human family they were born into was nurturing and stimulating for them.  Their canine mother was also a wonderful caregiver and had attended to their bonding and establishing physical routines such a “potty-training”.  They adjusted very easily and well to our new environment where we began having so much fun watching them frolic and cavort as they curiously explored and discovered their new surroundings.

 

Tiger and Shadow had never been outside before, however.  Outside and in their more “natural environment” was where we planned to house them most of the time.  To assist them in their transition, we put them each in a small box before leaving their former home and during the transportation in our car back to our home.  The two brothers quickly adapted to their new surroundings, but the real fun and adventure began in helping them to explore their whole new world of nature—outside!

 

Fresh air, flies, grass, dirt, bugs, the sounds of traffic, the garage door opening and closing, the car motor and movements, each has been an opportunity for them to experiment on their curiosity, conduct safety tests and explore, all in the innocence of young cat minds.  I have thrilled to get inside their brains and watch their thinking processes, to witness their neurons connecting as they are foundationalized further.  They love to hide from each other amidst the small bushes and perform a surprise attack as the other is checking out that area.  Each has their own distinct personality:  Tiger more verbal, playful and daring; Shadow more accepting and content.  They are each curious and get along great with each other, in no way afraid of or scarred in relating to humans.  Though both are sweet-natured, it was immediately obvious that Tiger was the “Alpha Male”.  Shadow quickly assumed his role in their hierarchy as the “Beta”.

 

I have thought often of my experiences the first few weeks while in Ecuador.  After arriving in Quito near midnight of September 20^th, 2008, Krystal (then age 4) and I began settling in. We had a great time walking and watching and interacting (at least on our somewhat limited basis) with the people, food, language and culture.  I pondered often how like a young toddler I was.  My “surrogate mother” was Diego Bonilla, the young man whose family we rented from who generously volunteered to show us the area and help us get established.  It was him who mostly assisted my “foundationalization” process while maneuvering through Ecuador. This included getting a feel for how to find our way to the places where we could buy food and other necessities for our little apartment as well as finding a nearby park and preschool for Krystal to meet her social needs.

 

Like a young child just beginning to walk in his new world, I did not feel comfortable for those first few days and weeks in venturing very far from Diego (my “mommy”) and our home base.  I would focus my mind on orienteering which direction from our apartment we were heading, the turns we were making, any helpful landmarks, how far away we were getting, and any and all helpful information.  Gradually, through more and more experience, I gathered greater confidence in my own physical GPS system. This is just what Tiger and Shadow began doing: cavorting and enjoying their new surroundings as they got to know and trust us and their new world. 

 

Alas, Monday morning, Tiger got spooked and ran off through the open garage door when Dave left in the car.  At least, we think this is what must have happened. Although we have walked and driven around looking and calling and remain hopeful that he will find his way back, that may not be the case.

 

Yet… I found on Craigslist a female cat (1 ½ years old) that was beautiful and available.  When Krystal arrived home from school Monday, I shared with her the story of the disappearance of Tiger amidst tender sad tears from us all.  Her hopes were revived when I continued by adding the possibility of this new (albeit older and mature) cat.  Low and behold, after making arrangements and visiting the family, the young son tearfully was unable to let go of “Peaches” and we discovered that Peaches had, in fact, a seven week old female kitty that they had been going to keep and raise.  After several minutes of the tears of his young owner and his ensuing conversation with his mother, the family volunteered for us to adopt the baby kitty instead.  We wondrously and gratefully brought her home, named her “Pearl” and welcomed her into her new family.

 

Tiger has still not found his way back to us.  But… we have our two baby kitties after all, one of them being female and with the possibility which we wanted all along of potentially becoming a mother and providing us the opportunity to assist her and witness the births and early foundational process of new canines. 

 

Shadow and Pearl have had quite the journey these two days of establishing their relationship.  Shadow, once the docile “Beta Male” with Tiger, has found himself suddenly elevated in the feline hierarchy of our household.  At least, he is doing his instinctual best to assert himself there.  Pearl has been amazing!  Though calm, gentle, and much smaller, she has shown that she can hold her own, even hissing back at his more aggressive actions.  We are doing what we can to assist their relationship and bonding process.  Hopefully, soon, they will be the best of friends and peacefully coexist….

 

 

~~~~~

 

I left you, Dear Reader, in my last post, with the opportunity to glimpse inside my heart.  I had not foreseen the experience which prompted my words, nor the charge from my Guidance System to share my vulnerability and weaknesses publically.  Nevertheless, both of these came; and I did. 

 

As with so many of my life’s experiences, it is only with HINDSIGHT that the understanding has come.  As I have trusted, IMPLICITLY, my Directors (my “Urim and Thummim”), I have flowed through many forks in the road, most of them rocky and seen by others as difficult, but nonetheless, all of them proving (eventually) worthwhile.  Truly, the way is most simple when one learns to completely submit and trust continually and unfailingly the One who Guides with surety.

 

My experience of my tenuous situation on Friday, along with my dream and resulting experience and my publically and emotionally sharing it, was to prove beneficial to many individuals. Each of you who were curious (and brave) enough to read it were given an opportunity.  An opportunity to feel.  To reason.  To imagine.  To put yourself mentally in my position. To be human.  To judge.  To make a choice.

 

Of those few who publically responded, all were acting to the best of their awareness.  That awareness came because of their own, individual, unique past experience.  It is experience that establishes one’s “humanity”.  We are taught, foundationalized, how to perceive and interact with one another.  Some who read of my plight covered their humanity with disgust and “it serves her right!”  Some, with their own perception of “love”, responded with advice.  Others reached out with tender feeling and angst that they were not able to do anything more (at least they reasoned) than “I’ll pray for you.”  Regardless, each one who read or were apprised of my life’s circumstances reacted appropriate for them and their current understanding and ability to live up to their level of understanding.

 

Never intending to, yet I have lived a life that has so often been a “rock of offense” to many others.  My experiences, choices, appearance have often grated on others and collided with their humanity.  Certainly I have not seemed to be living the acceptable and “honorable” ways “of the world”.

 

Many who tentatively read my plea wondered what someone in authority (their “true messenger”, respected friend, Bishop, father, mother, etc.) would comment or, perhaps, mandate them to do or refrain from doing.  Unbeknownst to them, I have been aware of their reactions.  I have seen into their hearts and understood their choices.  Free of condemnation.

 

Without revealing the identity of the one who wishes to remain anonymous for now, there was One who acted from their true foundationalized humanity and made it possible for a turn-around of events.  I now hold a car title, as well as this home, this beautiful house that Dave built for me, squarely and legally in my name.  These crucial steps have solidified my being “settled” and prepared to completely take up my role, my joy, my reason for living.

 

My former preparation, coupled with this 53 ½ years of present mortal life experience, has garnered me with precious jewels of insight and wisdom.  Partnered with my honed ability to “see through the veil” and receive “light and truth” through the instrument now at my disposal (my “Urim and Thummim”), I am ready.  Ready to provide hope… Actual and Reliable Hope… to provide for the needs of “the least among us”.  I understand their plight.  I get their weaknesses, their vulnerabilities, their struggles, their feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.  I understand the human frailties as well as the power-struggles.

 

I get the “Alpha’s”, the “Beta’s” and even the “Omega” Natures.  I have lived and proven the principles that I have been taught.  And, won’t those willing to fully open their hearts and minds to receive be surprised!  Everything that we have been taught to accept as correct and proper, or at least “normal” parts of existence… are 100% diametrically opposed to the rightful order of things. 

 

I volunteer that the time is NOW, there ARE those prepared to come forward, ready and, most of all, WILLING to take up their own rightful positions.  As servants.  Servants of mankind.  Assisting man to become kind.  Gentle.  Submissive.  As the pure little children they originally were created to be.  Yet with gratitude and willingness to assist properly now.

 

Dave has taken up his rightful position in our relationship, as my equal, empowered partner, utilizing his true strengths alongside mine in a balanced, cooperative unit.  Although his former mortal training had done great battle with his pure heart, my tremendous love for him along with my not stepping down from my inner power, has tempered those traits that he used to believe were rightfully his.  The attributes society defines as “masculine strengths” have been honed into the pure and healthy characteristics of his “True Self”.  He has subdued his “natural man”, or, in religious terms, “the dragon/ beast/ Lucifer has been slain”.  He is now a strong, beautiful, *Gentle Man*.  As nature originally intended.  And, never more peaceful, happy, consistent and supportive of me and my role.  Ready to assume His!

 

Together, with Krystal and any others who will eventually join with us and hone the principles of Christ that I will now expound, we WILL succeed in “cutting short the work of the *Father* in righteousness.”

 

Truly, there is NO ORGANIZATION on the earth, NO RELIGIOUS SECT that contains the “fullness”… save it be man’s own being.  Though very seldom successful in past “his-story”, those who join their pure and wise hearts with me and mine WILL establish a Zion, a truly godly society.  Though people for the most part have seldom been willing to rely upon their True Self, the time is NOW when, through the principles lit up through this “Stairway to Heaven”, we will be able to gather spiritually in the “True Order of Prayer” and, with correct “charity”, regenerate our selves, our relationships, our planet.

 

As prophesied 170 years ago:

“And the arm of the Lord shall be revealed; and the day cometh that they who will not hear the voice of the Lord, neither the voice of his servants, neither give heed to the words of the prophets and apostles, shall be cut off from among the people;” (D&C 1:14)

“The Lord” = the emotional sense of deep and abiding peace one feels in their heart.

“The Lord’s servants” = the mental reasoning and imagining abilities along with the strength and capacity of the physical body and its senses.

“Prophets” = those who have understood, internalized and live the complete standard taught by their "Lord" as exemplified by the one known as “Christ”.

“Apostles” = those who administer the work of the peaceful government as overseen by the “Prophets”.

So, in plain, *Actual Truth* terms: 

People will figure out the “mystery” of how to listen to their own hearts.  They will learn to purely FEEL and act from intuition (as contrasted with “gut instinct” which will be the subject of further posts).  They will perceive and hone energy, light, intelligence.  As this begins to happen inside individuals, societies will even learn to harness this energy for the collective benefit (both good and bad) and call it electricity, technology, and progress.  Many will learn to act more and more humanely.  The mind and body will SERVE the heart.  And the heart will serve the good of all.

The arm, which does the action of the body, will act in concert with the pure foundationalized feeling (“The Lord”).  Those who choose not to hear and obey their own pure feelings, or listen to their own unadulterated mind, or even to a “True” (vs. false and commonly honored) “Prophet” or “Apostle” will end up physically dying and not making good the promises of those who do come into compliance with Nature’s stipulations.  Those who DO open their eyes to see and their ears to hear, will find their way back to the “Tree of Life”, leaving “Babylon” through the “wilderness” to enter into the “Promised Land”, and become a “Zion” people, dwelling with “one mind, one heart” and having “no poor among them”.

Again, I send out the invitation:

“Come, follow me.”  Allow me to teach you and prod you into the ways of righteousness.  Let me assist you in climbing the “Stairway to Heaven”.  Truly, it is not hard.  As more and more join together, the way will even get more and more light.  Simple.  Blessed.  JOY-filled.

Truly…

There is NOTHING of ANY importance except the simple words of Christ given in the Sermon on the Mount.  There’s nothing else to religion or that needs to be done!  And you don’t need an organized church to teach you these things!  These correct principles are ALREADY in your heart.  Just buried.  I can help you lift back your veils, polish the facets of your own jewels and learn to see and hear “the Lord” of your own kingdom… your own peaceful Guidance System.

Together, we CAN… and WILL… “cut short the *Father’s* work in righteousness”.

Many have gone before us, clearing the path and lighting the way.  They and their pure messages will not let us down now.

Please join with me that their work will NOT have been in vain.

I love you.

They love you.

May you learn to love you!  Completely.  With All of your “heart, might, mind and strength”.  And your neighbor likewise.  In correct balance.

I give my life to help you.

 

I am now settled.  In my place.  Calling to you.  Come….

PLEASE..... Help..... Me.....

I awoke about an hour ago (it’s  3:18 a.m. now).

 Yes, I “awoke”.  As if from a “deep, deep, sleep”….

In my “dream”, I had been in a comatose state in bed, watching in my mind’s eye the world going on outside of and around me.  In this paralyzed state, I gradually became more aware that I was not actually participating in life, but merely confined to a bed, “sleeping”.  Though with eyes closed, I saw a man enter my dark room, light brilliantly pouring in through the doorway as he did.  Exerting Every…  Nuance…  Of…  Strength…  I…  Could…  Muster…  From…  Each…  Molecule…  Within…  My…  Body…,  Every…  Vestige…  Of…  Will…  Power…  I...  Could...  Find…,  My body began trembling.  (Literally, Kimberly’s physical body began violently shaking the bed.)  With Herculean effort, I was finally able to raise both my arms in the air as I lifted my torso off the mattress.  With muffled sound, as if moaning from the depths of my being, sounds escaped my throat… both in this “dream” and audibly to anyone who would have witnessed me/ Kimberly asleep…:

 “HHHHHHHEPPPPPPPPPP   MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”

And with that, so-struggled utterance, I awoke.  In both the “dream” and in “reality”.

Lying conscious now in bed, I deeply pondered a few minutes before looking at the clock… 

2:20 a.m.

Contemplating the significance of the dream has finally compelled me to write this, my heart, and make it available.

I/ Kimberly/ am in a very vulnerable situation…………..

I have no where to turn.  No where to go.  A young daughter who looks to me… always has… for life.  I am all she has.

In my deep desires to be completely transparent and hide NO THING, to reveal everything that can be revealed, I share, not knowing before hand if there will be ANY who even read this in time.

YET…..

The baton has been passed to me.

I can “expound and exhort” and make bare all consciousness, the *Actual Truth* that will assist fallen, warring humanity.  I have been mentored by Beings that I can only describe as “through the veil” and in hidden ways.  Yet, I have heard Them.  I understand.  With everything I am, everything I hope to be, I want to make this understanding, understanding that will literally save humanity, available to You.  To any.  To all.

I…  Want…  So…  Much…  To…  Give… My…  Life…..  Not…  By…  Dying…  But… By…  Living…, Revealing that which has been hidden, undecipherable.  Without boasting, but in the depths of humility, I acknowledge that I am the one that the world has been waiting for.  And though I come with “power”, it is certainly NOT the kind of “power” with which mankind has been characterizing their *Super Heroes*.  In fact, in the world’s eyes, I am a “nobody”.  Or even less.  I have been literally constrained from getting what society would call a paying job.  I have, instead, dug into the depths of conscious consciousness and accessed *Wisdom*.  Though this current body is weak.  Though I deal daily with several hours of ordeals to even maintain my physical life.  Though I am graying, middle-aged, missing many teeth and with receding gums.  Though I lost my beautiful singing voice many, many years ago and have been struggling to maintain my speaking voice.  Though of my beloved living nine children, several will not even claim me and many will have nothing to do with me.  Though I have contemplated suicide many times, not because of depression, but because of its cousin… “futility”.  I seek and have been seeking to unbind myself from the gags of TRUTH.  Truth that must come out.  Truth that, I finally acknowledge, must come out of MY vocal cords.  I have so much to give.  So much that WANTS to be given.  So many there are on this present earth that NEED the assistance that “The Powers That Be” have been pouring into me.

Yet…

I face homelessness.  With no where to go.  And no “family” or support structure to call upon.  My “Beloved”, Dave Seely, has physically and emotionally stretched and tried to assist me to the utmost that he has been able.  He has built a beautiful dwelling he has adamantly stated was for Me.  Krystal has, for the first time in her 11 ½ years, become established.  For the first time in her young life she has almost, nearly, finished an entire school year in the same school.  For any who have read my most recent blog posts, I have Truly believed that all the variables were now, finally, in order.  I have written my life story, though few have even dared to read it so far.  Those who know even threads of it have marveled over the life(s) I have lived.

My deepest yearning is that my life will Not have been in vain.  That the understanding I have realized, partnered with “the Eyes of Christ” that “The Powers That Be” have opened within me, WILL be able to be received by someone.  Someones.  Somewhere.  Sometime.

However…

Unless I can find a way… today…

Krystal and I will be homeless.  Again.

I have no where to go.  No one to turn to.  Except to the world itself.  For the world’s sake.  I pledge my life, my strength, anything and everything at my disposal to offer upon the altar of humanity.  FOR ALL HUMANITY’S SAKE.

Somehow, it seems that my answer/ OUR answer is NOT a temporary shelter.  NOT an empty bedroom in someone’s basement where I can trade services for our bare necessities.

Somehow I must find a way to gather funds to buy this house from Dave, my so-struggling “Beloved”.  If I give him equal value in payment for his perceived worth of this house he built “for me”, then I will be able to stay here with Krystal, without relying on his constantly shifting abilities to maintain his peace.  Thus, I will be able to bring forth that which is within me, finding my voice in the process.  Assisting YOU, Dear Global Friend, and… I so deeply and dearly hope… be a catalyst to help ALL those on this planet who struggle with hopelessness, vulnerability, “no voice”, poverty, lack of validation and perceived worth.

May my life not be in vain.

May I find a way.

Somehow…..

The Stairway to Heaven... part 9--Walk This Way

I have been greatly privileged in my life to have sinned much.  For those readers with open minds who are prepared for this post, you will come to realize that only as I have lived contrary to the words of Christ (this very "stairway to heaven" that I have proceeded to expound), is sinning even possible.  Forthrightly, I acknowledge that I have suffered grievously.  And much.  This very sinning has been directly involved in my suffering.  But... Before you judge me and (thus) sin yourself, I will proceed to present some definitions. 

"To sin" is to feel bad, to have a "heavy heart", to some degree or another.  To sin is to not feel the fullness of joy that one is created to feel--ALWAYS.  To sin is to be in the red in one's emotional bank account, to be POOR in Spirit.  To sin is "to fall short of the glory (tremendous feelings of peaceful joy) of (your) God (self)."

"To suffer" is to feel or bear what is painful, disagreeable or distressing to the mind/ mentally, or body/ physically.  To suffer is to endure (support, sustain, allow, permit; not to forbid or hinder) mental or physical anguish. To suffer mental pain is referred to in John's Revelation as "The Armageddon".

"Dis-ease" is brought on by extenuated sinning and allows for suffering mentally as well as, at some point, physical pain. 

"Pain" is the nervous system sounding the alarm that an out-of-balance physical situation exists within the body.  It is the wake-up distress (SOS) call to repent (change one's mind) regarding some belief or action in an effort to regain balance in the organism.

Yes, I understand that these definitions differ from those most utilize.  But, these ARE more in harmony with the original intentions of "scripture" and "true messengers".  Thus, most of us have been taught backwards!  When we enlist in an action that is out of harmony with that which our "God" would have us do, we feel bad.  That bad feeling (sin) leads to the suffering that, like the gas gauge on the car, is our barometer that we are running/ acting on or near empty, or devoid of his (our "God's") support.  We are acting contrary to who we truly are!  That bad feeling (enmity/ emotional pain/ sin) is our guidance system.  It is our conscience.  It is the holiest of gifts that we have been given.  It is telling us that we are out of alignment, have wandered off our own "straight and narrow path".  Enmity in our heart signifies that we are acting contrary to WHO WE ARE… just as pain registering in our brain registers that the hand on the hot stove is being damaged by remaining there.

Over time and repetition, however, that out-of-alignment action can become a habit and grow into a character trait which can turn off the distress signal of sin and we are then (in scripture jargon) "passed feeling".  Though impossible to "dis-connect" from our source, we have insulated and muffled its distress signal.  This repeated action can even achieve a sense of comfort, even though it is contrary to our true nature.  It is the spyware that now runs the emotional and mental programming and has become the counterfeit "master" of our life.

Yet...

"Jesus'" message promises (see again Matthew 5:1) "the kingdom of heaven".  He even promised it THAT VERY DAY of listening to his message (see verse 2). 

"The Kingdom of Heaven" is code for "peace"... lasting peace.  This, alone, is the inner barometer which offers one correct, unadulterated feedback to his present level of inner eyesight.  "Jesus" (and I) had (have) much to say on this subject.  Because of my experiences the past few days, I have even more understanding to offer.

Let me share...

Friday late afternoon (after my post about "the flowers in my garden" and unequivocally acknowledging my abilities to assist/ mentor "disciples"/ tutees even as the one known as "Jesus" did), I was given the opportunity to suffer.  You see, as any who truly know my heart can attest, as confident as I seem and am in many areas, it is against my nature to knowingly make things difficult for others, or appear to elevate myself above any other. Everything I am exults in serving and blessing the lives of those around me... even (and often) at my own personal expense.  It has taken me 53 1/2 years to get to the point of exerting enough strength to first figure out for my self, then publically acknowledge... who I am and what my role is.  Because of my earnest and persistent searching, I came to an understanding, though not complete (100%) confidence, on February 14, 2006 of Who I Am, Who I Have Been, Who I Am To Be.  Despite what any (even those who might THINK they know my heart) believe, it has taken great cosmic forces to encourage me to "step up to the plate" and over-ride discomfort to make that post.  Finally, confidently, completely capable of publically stating:  "I AM WHO I AM."

Within a couple hours of writing the post Friday I began feeling achy.  I soon realized that I also felt nauseous.  My muscles throbbed.  The back of my eyes were sore.  My feet were especially in great pain.  As I felt these physical sensations well up within me, and shared them with my "Beloved" (Dave), he gently offered me Excedrin to dull or eradicate the pain.  However, I knew that Excedrin (like all the "fruits" of "Lucifer"/ those things offered by another person outside of my Self) was a "turn off pain indicator".  Popping a pill would be like using a hammer to smash my "check tire" gauge, or my "oil indicator", or anything else in my car's brain (a.k.a. instrument panel) when they were giving feedback that was less than optimum.  It would be most stupid.  AND it would prevent me from gathering the potential gifts that pain's presence could potentially offer me.  Instead of USING suffering as a helpful, wise counselor, I would be telling my "God" Self to "shut up", I have no need for you.

I felt not to partake but to do what I always do and that was to apply "Jesus'" words, these very words that I desire to shed light on for You.

As I proceeded to relax (physically and emotionally) deeper into the experience and peacefully acknowledge gratitude for my body's wisdom and desire and ability to communicate that wisdom to me, I was able to go deeper and deeper into feeling blessed and even gifted by the experience of pain.  I allowed and compelled myself to warm up my heart and open up my mind to truly feel the blessing which the suffering was allowing me.  I truly APPRECIATED the pain as well as knew that I would further be endowed with a gift through it all.  And I was.

I volunteer:

EACH OF US has a unique, very particular set of skills stemming from our personal experiences.  Though we each share the same "father" (blueprint, light or intelligence inside), our myriad experiences through myriad bodies, cultures, up-bringings and imprintings, have honed very individual ways of perceiving and understanding and, thus, dealing with our surroundings and each other.  As I shared earlier regarding "grace":  truth (our "father") means nothing if not coupled with our own unique feeling signature or "grace".  Our life and all interactions are stale, robotic, uninteresting without grace.  AND, without value to the rest of humanity.  Each of us are necessary to the All of us!

2 Nephi 2: 14 tells us that there are "things to act" and "things to be acted upon".  D&C 93:30 explains that that which acts is intelligence, light.  Abraham 3:19-23 discloses that spirit is organized according to different grades or degrees, some being greater than others.  D&C 93:33 declares that that which is "acted upon" is element (matter).  The Journal of Discourses volume 7 page 2 says that element (matter) is capacitated to receive intelligence.

Soooo... to open this up a wee bit:

ALL mortals (intentionally) "fall" by listening to and accepting perspectives, beliefs, information contrary to their original blueprint ("Father").  Instead of being the profoundly powerful, beautiful, whole ("Holy") being we were created to be, sin (bad feeling, depression) enters into our heart, we change our minds about who we Are, and thus re-align our actions accordingly in an attempt to regain SOME bit of (albeit temporary) good feeling.  Yet, it is this individualized and even contrary-to-who-we-truly-are nature that allows us to grow in grace and distinction.  This grace then can become our unique contribution to the rest of humanity... as utilizing it brings us enjoyment and satisfaction.

In (the Inspired Version of) Matthew 2:11 it says:  "And when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto God, the child as a gift; and upon a golden incense burner they burned frankincense and myrrh, offering unto God an offering for the child." 

NOT meaning what the programmed "Christian" may believe, this statement offers PROFOUND insight!  When each of us (would-be "Wise Man") allows our self to let go of all false imprinting by others and discovers WHO WE TRULY ARE (NOT who we think we WANT to be, but WHO WE ARE), that is the greatest "treasure" imaginable!  Truly, it is a "pearl of GREAT price"!  As we then offer our unique set of skills and perspectives unto "GOD" (or for the betterment of EVERYONE on the entire planet!) we are then (and ONLY THEN) in a place to find our JOY as well as able to enhance the good and joy of each and every one else.  However, the transition process may be a little trying and to be expected.  (It has been for me!)  :-)

The frankincense burning on the "in(ner) sense burner" signifies a mental cleansing, a "repenting" or changing of one's minds, thoughts and understandings. The burning myrrh represents a physical cleansing is taking place.  Each atom of the body must be "washed clean" from its false beliefs and "crap". 

Slowly, cleanse-by-cleanse, order and harmony is restored in one's mind and body.  A greater and deeper peace is found in one's ("Holy of Holies") heart.  The spirit goes through up-grade after up-grade.  Confidence grows.  One learns to let go of more and more any attachment to the material world, including excess stuff, relationships that are no longer in harmony with this new "spirit", inordinate focus on the outside appearance of things.

As one does this, they learn to truly and completely Trust (NOT another mortal or anything the mortal mind has constructed, but) their own Inner Guidance System ("God") to assist them in their day.  This peace and the joy which comes in the wake of correct action propel one to even deeper and deeper alignment and trust.  That one then learns to have peace, enjoy life, and let the one responsible for their existence (their "God") TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR EXISTENCE.

Finally...

When a person really believes, truly believes... with ALL of their heart, that the universe is a good place, that beauty and balance are the natural state of affairs, that all things (atoms, molecules, cells, tissues, organs, bodies, inert matter, truly ALL THINGS) are LIGHT (Intelligence, consciousness, truth) and exist to benefit them equally with all others, then they can begin to open up to:

Every *thing* in existence is but myriad manifestations of *Light* interplaying and interweaving in one grand cosmic dance or symphony. Light is Intelligence, Truth, Consciousness. To the degree that each "individuated" (or seeming-to-be-so) *thing* lives in balance, peace, harmony, in-the-present-NOW, with its self, feeling this peace both inside and out, it will be the vessel and instrument of light/ consciousness/ Truth. If a man lives for him self then he will manifest a discordant light, or rather, receive and reflect through his actions, a lesser degree of "intelligence", light. His knowledge of the "mysteries of God" will not be complete. Yet, as his focus opens to living/ feeling/ allowing thought to work within him FOR THE GOOD OF ALL then he becomes partaker of more JOY, more intelligence, more consciousness....

As that one grows in "light", they let go of more and more "matter" (element, "crap") and become less knocked about by society ("acted upon") and more and more POWER-FULL until the day when they are finally and unequivocally ONLY living in a state of power; in control at all times of their own emotions and in control (at all times) of their own environment. 

THIS is the state or degree that "Jesus" reached as exemplified by him becoming set on the top of his spiritual mountain.  This is the state or degree that I finally reached with that post on April 8th.  Yet, being finally brave enough to declare myself ("offer my gift") to humanity, still required some residual cleansing.  Thus, the nausea, aches and pains ("suffering").

 

I have herein offered A LOT to any reader.  To help clarify, I will try to re-state some things in another way.

When our current experience matches or aligns with those resonating with that "Inner Guidance Counselor, we feel a physical sensation of peace and balance. We recognize this physical sensation as joy. 

If a person truly believes that they are their own God, then that person is not denying the power thereof!  And what is "the power thereof"?  What is the power of godliness? It is the power to act and not be acted upon. It is the power to express who we really are instead of acting like we are expected to act by others. It is the power to exercise our free agency the way WE WANT TO!!!  And we WANT to ONLY do that which is best for ALL humanity... equally.

We, then, have become a "Christ", or act Masterfully yet gracefully and wisely in our own heart, mind, life and sphere of influence.  We are constantly vigilant (without negligence) to the feelings/ feedback from our own body—as felt in our heart.  All opposing mental forces have united in balance.  We have the same sight that "Jesus" had, yet with our own unique (grace-filled) flavor to enhance it.  That awareness allows us to understand what the long-term ramifications would be to eating _______, doing ___________, saying _________ etc.

 Along my own personal hike up the spiritual mountain I have had a plethora of opportunities to encounter alien (to me) territory.  As I turned within for my guidance, the VERY FIRST *peaceful* impression has ALWAYS been my most infallible guide.  Often times at a cross roads I would look outside my own heart to see what others had chosen in a similar situation.  As I have then compared that outside information to what I was feeling withIN I have been able to proceed AS LONG AS I FOLLOWED MY INNER SOURCE UNFAILINGLY.

One profoundly beneficial crossroads for me came on December 24, 2004 when I discovered a "True Messenger".  As I proceeded to test the "message" with my inner guidance, I have been able to continue my climb. The message is, basically:  "Do not put ANY other mortal "God" above-below-behind-before yourself.  Love yourself completely and correctly AND ALL OTHERS likewise!"  I have repeatedly watched others, however, who have tasted of the "message" cling to the messenger ("mailman") as if HE were to be put above-below-behind-before THEM!  Like "Jesus" was then required to do, and "Joseph" and all other messengers bearing "glad tidings of great joy which should be for all people"... I have witnessed him being compelled to then give the person what they (thought) they wanted, chastise or rebuke them in an attempt to try to get them to LET GO of him and (instead) FOCUS ON RECEIVING THE (CORRECT and COMPLETE) MESSAGE.

Some have left him confused.  Others, equally misunderstanding, stick around and try to sling mud or crap back at him.  Most forget that "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth".  (Hebrews 12:6) If they could, instead of suggesting that "someone needs to kick (the true messenger) in the A__", just remain in their own peace and live their life with or without opening, accepting and living the message, their lives would have so much less suffering.  :-)

Many cultures have a story or stories to personify this mortal tendency.  "Paul" (and many indigenous people) refer to it.  One concept is "kicking against the pricks". (Acts 9:5:  "it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks").    Pricks being goads or sharp metal spikes adhered to the end of a stick used to prod cattle on while plowing.  When a stubborn ox attempted to kick back against the goads (pricks), he would actually wound himself.  The proverb is often used to teach the lesson that it is foolish to rebel against one with greater enlightenment ("authority") than one's (current) reality.  Any attempt to do so will result in much greater difficulties.  A modern equivalent might be the proverb "out of the frying pan into the fire". The lesson is similar. When we try to avoid a minor irritation, we must be careful not to find ourselves in even deeper trouble.

Perhaps no one personifies "kicking against the pricks" (contending with "a true messenger") better than "Brer Rabbit" as he goes up against "The Tar Baby".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e90PKN74hLk&list=PL8SSSHd7FZCxpq5VcKdjLaiWjCHfTOaoQ

 

"Walk this way" is a recurrent pun in a number of movies and television shows. It refers to the double usage of "way" in English as both a direction and a manner.  In one tell of the joke, one character would say, "Walk this way" and walks off in a limping or waddling or otherwise odd manner, and the seond character would follow, mimicking the mannerisms of the first. 

Although widely touted as "What would Jesus do?" (WWJD), WWJD is impossible.  You are NOT “Jesus”.  But neither are you Thomas Monson, Christopher Nemelka, Brad Pitt, or Anyone else!  You are YOU.  But, how can you walk the way You are meant to walk?

When I began walking at about nine months old, it was quickly ascertained that I was "pigeon-toed", my right leg severely pointed inwards.  When I got a little older, I was required to wear corrective braces between my specially-made shoes while I slept to "straighten out" my legs.  This was my personal physical experience in learning to "walk this way".

My life then proceeded to implant myriad other actions and beliefs in an attempt to conform me to outside authorities.  Again, it took many decades of often false (to my True Self) acting to finally figure out for myself that THE ONLY WAY TO CORRECTLY WALK IS TO FOLLOW MY OWN INNER GUIDANCE AND ALLOW ALL OTHERS TO DO THE SAME FOR THEMSELVES!

Again, even "Jesus" or ANY "Messenger of Truth" can (and WILL) attempt to trip another up who is attempting to follow THEM... instead of following THE MESSAGE.  Again, that message is "Don't follow ANY ONE... even me!  Follow your own Guidance Counselor.  But first, make sure you can correctly hear and understand that Inner Guidance!"

“I am the way, the truth and the light.  I am the Direction, NOT the manner of walking.  Use your OWN set of specific specialized skills to walk with your own feet.  Don't use ME as a crutch longer than you must!  If you try to impersonate ME without delivering to humanity your OWN "grace" in your OWN unique "flavor", then I will use my "pricks" in your backside, setting you up to stumble and fall flat on your own face!"

So, to sum this all up...

I was given the precious opportunity this past weekend of "suffering" so that my many years of "sinning" could come to an end.  My "sinning" was my not confidently taking up MY OWN "cross", walking ("gracefully") my own path, as the one appointed to "expound and exhort" True Doctrine so that it makes sense.  I had, instead, adopted a "walk" that was more in conformance with outside authorities, but denied the power of my own "godliness".  Those days are over!  The expounding and living True to the *I AM who I AM* have begun!

MAY THE UNSUFFERING (FOR ALL!) BEGIN!