Yes. You are very “selfish” for putting yourself before others. But… in actuality, everything you do, everything done by any other… is selfishness.
However…
There IS a way to contribute, selfishly, to the good of others as well as the good of one’s self.
In fact, as one truly tunes in to the deepest parts of one’s self, she would realize that she finds no pleasure or joy in doing that which does not benefit another, truly and for the long term. Indeed, she would see that her selfishness is fulfilled in the joy that she receives from giving joy to others. And when she gives this joy to others, her heart then feels to rejoice for that which she has done. In this way, she receives this joy twofold, having administered her deed in joy and then sharing in the joy that she has administered.
Truly, one can realize for herself that the sacrifice of her own selfishness brings more happiness to her, than the fulfillment of her own selfish desires.
The greatest reward in life is communion. Sexual intimacy is just a tiny sliver of a taste of the JOY possible when one learns and fulfills her life in communion with the true and lasting good of all. This brings one into harmony with all that exists. And all that exists, my friend, is far more extensive than one’s own individual self. Therefore, the reflected JOY that is possible through living each moment in balance, harmony, and communion with all creation has been symbolically called “the pearl of great price.”
I have found my pearl. And, oh, dear friend… may you find yours. Be Selfish. For the good of all.
I hope this helps.
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