Bumper Cars

Marti, a dear friend, took both Krystal and I a few days ago to “Amazing Jakes” to celebrate Krystal’s birthday. After eating, Krystal was free to explore many of the available attractions: a carousel, train, bumper cars, mini roller coaster, tea-cups, etc. As we each buckled in to a bumper car and she was instructed on how to “drive” hers … I pondered on the allegorical similarities of “bumper cars”… to life.

When in a bumper car, it is a given that we will be jolted and rammed –even if we do nothing our self to initiate it. Another driver will either-- through seeking a “thrill” of getting a reaction from us or simply because of logistics and wanting to get to “somewhere else” and we happen to be in the space between -- run right into our vehicle, potentially giving us quite a shaking.

I thought of how in life there appears to be so many obstacles. Most of those involve our relationships with another person. Even when we are seeking to live a serene and uncomplicated life, it may seem that we cannot escape the bumps and bruises provided by our interactions with others.

However, I have only witnessed people shrieking with pleasure, great smiles and laughter seeping from their faces while getting jolted during a bumper car experience. What has happened to cause so many in this “real” world to walk around with frowns and feelings, thoughts and actions of “victimhood”? Could it be, possibly, our expectations we have for the experience…and each other (the drivers of the “other vehicles”)? Could those expectations have arisen from the perspectives that we have adopted that have been “supposed to” serve us here in life…but perhaps are doing the opposite of bringing us lasting happiness?

I believe so.

I love to watch people. I guess you might call me a perennial “observer” of human nature. How do those two friends who just “bumped into” each other at the mall respond to each other? How do the drivers of those two cars who just “bumped into” each other react? What if one of them had maintained his peace, would that have affected the intensity of the other’s reaction? What about the lovers? When she gets excited over a new-found item, how does he respond? How does his response affect her, as displayed by her body language, words and voice? How do either of their responses change over time and repeated experiences together?

I love to watch movies for the same reason. Hmmm…. There are currently about seven billion different perspectives, coming from seven billion different people sharing this planet. Each one different. How do they each respond when in a certain experience? Without consciously being able to observe each one, at least the movies are allowing me the opportunity to see from another’s’ viewpoint and consider his or her reality for that brief window of time.

Another thing I enjoy is to stand in shallow moving water such as the ocean or a wave pool. Am I able to maintain my balance and stand strong as the water moves around me? What if I move out a little deeper? What if the wave has considerable strength and the current is powerful?

Can I stand (“be still!”) amidst chaos, bumps and confusion all around me—and experience a blessed life of JOY? Am I able to bring this same inner stillness as I move gracefully and while interacting with others in my day-to-day life? I happen to believe that each of my earthly neighbors (seven billion [roughly] in all) is helping me to remember that ability.

Though there are differences, we share so many similarities…in addition to this majestic planet we all call “home”. Although I’ve had my share of bumps and bruises initiated by others, I have to say that I have (overall) enjoyed the experience and am grateful for the lessons learned. In truth, I am now, generally, at the point of keeping my smile and enjoying the interactions I am both experiencing personally and observing of those around me.

What a fun game we are playing! Who wants to go another round? :-)

"I CAME. I SAW. I CONQUERED."

From time to time, I will share my dreams…at least those which I realize have a message of significance for “me”…and possibly for others. This morning I had one of those.

In my dream, I was “babysitting” and my attention was drawn more and more to one of those in my care who was giving me the most trouble. Lying down on the floor, a perennial (mocking?) smile on his face was a young man, almost the same age as I was. He was (at least he was appearing to me to be) mocking, humorously teasing and taunting me...all without really saying anything, just that amused, belligerent-seeming smile on his face. I became exasperated when he would not listen to “reason” and respect my “authority over him” and stop and desist, just settle down and go to sleep! In frustration, I slapped him on the face, commanding him to stop. This did not seem to faze him in the least and I, more emphatically, ordered him to respect me, be quiet, and just settle down…NOW!

Suzanne (my “step-mom” in this life) and my dad made their presence known and I realized that I had been babysitting for them. I then became more and more drawn to and aware of the identity of this young man. As I did, he got up and came closer, sitting down on the sofa next to me. As I opened up to WHO HE WAS (!) I became more and more intensely, passionately, profoundly aware of the longing that I had for him …and aware of HIS equal and immense, even “eternal” feelings for me. He put his powerful, amazingly sensuous arms around me, holding me close to his heart, his cheek caressing mine. OHHHHH, how we wanted to get away (alone!) together! Oh, how I ached inside to consummate our love. OHHHHHH…!!!

My attention then became drawn to the surroundings of the house I was in (my “step-mother”). It was nice, with hard-wood floors and I could tell it had been decorated the best that the owners had been able. Yet, as I looked, I realized that it wasn’t very bright. The carpet runner down the hall was dingy, not exactly the right size, and with a so-so pattern to it. It needed fresher paint and a brighter color scheme, I thought. I accepted that this house was sufficient for her taste and I gazed upon it without judgment but with discernment of how I would choose to make the changes when I was able to. Also, although I didn’t see anything of significance wrong structurally, there was clutter. Containers of hair clips and other things were loosely littering the floor. I attempted to help her by picking them up, but some of them would slip back out of my hands and from their containers, back down to the floor at each attempt.

~~~~~

Interpretation: This young man that I was attempting to subjugate and control was my “Eternal Mother”—my exalted, perfected, glorious BODY! It could not be controlled, though it was somewhat appeasing me for a time by lying down on the floor. It had its complete knowing, while I was the ignorant one who tried to assert my “mastership” over it…thus its smile that appeared to me to be mocking. As I became aware that I was serving “fallen flesh”…my “step-mother” (mother is representative of matter, the "dust of the earth" from which all of our “fallen” bodies are composed) I realized the true identity of my Beloved, my perfected and eternal body…my “Eternal Mother”.

Oh, how powerful and incessant the longing for our “marriage”! Oh how wonderful when “I” finally and completely surrender and submit and allow a total merging and reunification with “Her”!

Consideration: HOW can I finally and completely quit “baby-sitting” and leave the house I am in so that I am free to consummate my love and become “ONE” with my exalted flesh?

My Current Understanding of the Realization: Now that I have felt and realized the amazing intensity of EACH of our desires for unification...I can continue with peace as my compass, KNOWING that I AM ON MY WAY and that...IT IS TO BE! With the JOYful feelings that this understanding fills me and with this continual compass of peace leading me...I can relax to the beauty and wonder of the gift that I am making available for myself. :-)

Two thousand years ago, it is reported, Julius Caesar stated: “I Came. I Saw. I Conquered.” The words were rich with brevity, power and clarity.

Perhaps with a vastly different idea behind them, these words can be a creed for me, personally. I Came (into this body and this life with the personality named and known as “Kimberly”). I Saw (with faulty perception to various degrees for the majority of “my” existence as “Kimberly” while I was laboring under the assumed responsibility of caring for the “worldly matters”…then with greater and greater clarity as I opened up to real truth). I Conquered (knowing real truth and more and more who I Am and who I have been trying to subordinate to my ignorant desires for supremacy, I finally relax and embrace my Real Nature and Humanity and allow the True Master to merge with “Kimberly” and we then become “One” and fully united together).

Expect a Miracle!

Yesterday we celebrated…although not exactly as “planned”.

Krystal’s 6^th birthday is this Friday (August 20^th). Last year we had had a simple cake and present with her older siblings when they came over for “Date Night”. She’s never really had a “typical” American Child’s party and I had not yet put much thought into this year’s special day.

Krystal had overcome a fear (which I may write more about in the future) of swimming while at Desert Oasis Water Park a couple weeks ago, by going down—dozens of times!—the big crazy slide. She had wanted to show her big brothers and sisters what she could now do while also enjoying it with them. We thought this would make a great “party” / “Date Night” for her and the others…until just a few days before when I did some investigating and found out that (since school had just begun) the water park was now closed during the week. Therefore, “Date Night” there (party or not) was out of the question.

I then thought we might have to have a simple party at the park close to our little condo. However, a few days ago, I decided (and Krystal eagerly agreed) to open up our Tuesday Date Night to include a few of her friends also. So, nearly last moment, I made some calls inviting a few close families and neighborhood friends for pizza and water balloons and games—at the park.

Several times in recent months Krystal has requested a helium balloon. I have told her that “on your birthday you could maybe get one”. Well, Monday, as I was checking out at the Dollar Store nearby (one of our favorites places to shop), she went with an employee to choose her favorite one. I knew it would be *pink* as that seems to be her constant “color of choice”. It was. As we were walking out to the car I looked at it closer: “Baby Shower” it said. I chuckled and explained (to her request) what it meant. Hmmm…technically she is my “baby” and…we are going to play water games…perhaps she’ll have a water balloon pop on her head! :-)

Half an hour before the party was to begin, we went again to the same dollar store for a couple table cloths for the picnic tables and another employee surprised us both by responding to her proud announcement of having a birthday party by pulling out his wallet and handing her a one dollar bill…AND the promise of a doll the next time we come in! We then went to “Little Caesar’s Pizza” to get 6 pizzas to (hopefully) be sufficient for all that might be coming.

The sky was beautiful. The weather report had said it’d be 106* for the high and partly cloudy…a beautiful day (at least for this desert in August). However, off in the distance were some white billowy clouds.

We set up at the park, my older children (most of them at least) arrived, along with some neighbors, and we began to eat the simple fare. It was beautiful, balmy weather, though the clouds were now covering the sky. A breeze came up…then a stronger one. Hmmm… We decided to brace the paper plates and other things from the wind…and quickly begin the games.

We did a relay race, carrying water (on sponges) from plastic buckets to two distant totes (taken from my closet—they are part of my simple “drawers”). Then we did a water balloon toss. (Tanner and I won—at least WE think we did!) As it was really starting to blow by now, we began a “War” with the couple hundred water balloons. I got SOAKED…perhaps a few others did, too. :-) FUN, but we realized…we had to get outta there… and quick! Alyssa and Danny (and their dog, Miley), the Sonntags, Beth and Jo came right as the storm was beginning to show its fury. We dispensed with candles and quickly cut the adorable *pink* kitty cake that Chelsea had made for Krystal.

Grabbing the flying plates, pizza boxes, and all the other paraphernalia that we had so well organized and (loosely) planned for this event…we scrambled for cover (amidst the parting of some of the guests) into our cars…headed to our tiny (just for two) condo. We jammed all the “stuff” and about 15 people into our little front room. I hastily changed into dry clothes and…we did a total “revamping”. We visited, Krystal opened some fun gifts, and we played “Chubby Bunny” (with large marshmallows). Two further hilarious games were the “Bag Game” and “Going on a Trip”. It was a GREAT…if unforeseen…way to shift gears and PARTY!

The house was a total wreck, but when everyone had gone, I began straightening up and helping Krystal prepare for bed. We attempted to gift the last piece of pizza to our kind neighbor who had allowed us to use his water spigot to fill water balloons. He declined, but then reached into his pocket and gave Krystal a TEN dollar bill! With the FIVE dollar bill she had received from Miss Jo in a card, the ONE dollar she had received from the store employee, that made $16.00 that she had received. This was by far the most money she had ever held in her hands. Prior to this, $2.00 in loose change had made her feel quite rich! (Yes, she has learned through experience that those particular pieces of paper and metal seem to be important in this world.)

The storm had long-since gone to sleep (indeed, it was only playing with us for about that one hour!) and we were preparing to go to our beds as well when suddenly…there was a knock at the door…it was Bryanne and Colton (who I had not seen since before he left for his mission and we had gone to Ecuador—2 years before). YEA! Okay, we’ll continue the party! :-)

Going to bed late, I woke up about 1:30 with pizza in the bowels…begging to be cleaned out. I quickly wrote down and did a search on the lyrics that were going through my mind. It turns out they were from a song by Nat King Cole entitled “Orange Colored Sky”:

I was walking along, minding my business,
When out of an orange-colored sky,
Flash! Bam! Alakazam!
Wonderful you came by.

I was humming a tune, drinking in sunshine,
When out of that orange-colored view
Flash! Bam! Alakazam!
I got a look at you.

One look and I yelled "Timber"
"Watch out for flying glass"
Cause the ceiling fell in and the bottom fell out,
I went into a spin and I started to shout,
"I've been hit, This is it, This is it!"

As often happens, I have never really listened to this song (and particularly its message) before having it appear in my subconscious experience. Interesting…! :-)

Going to my computer, I then found a totally-unexpected email from a friend, Ben (whom I may introduce at a later date) who has NEVER written me in the evening—much less the middle of the night! The final thought he shared was: “Expect a Miracle!”

This morning, I pondered on a most interesting experience I had before waking this morning... as we finished straightening our place, cleaning the floor and carpets and taking a large load of garbage to the shared trash bin. Hearing voices, we saw a lady and man in the little fenced-off area…he was inside the bin. Krystal immediately asked: “What are you doing in the garbage?” The woman proudly answered that they had just found a $50.00 bill, while just searching for some cans! They were obviously thrilled, so I congratulated them and wished them both a great rest-of-the-day as well. :-)

While showering this morning (as is so often the case), I received an “ah-ha”. I would (today!) continue (after nearly a year and a half sabbatical)… my blog. I would entitle this one “Expect a Miracle!” I believe that I will continue (daily? periodically?) to allow this blog to chronicle my life of “living in a sense of WONDER” where “Every day is Christmas” and where you never, ever know just what might fall out of the sky and "hit" you next!

So, here’s to “Baby Showers” during birthday celebrations; heightened celebrations during “natural disasters”; finding gifts in the strangest places; and new beginnings.

I’m so glad I’ve learned to flow with life and to…expect miracles!

P.S. Now, I wonder where a replacement for those two closet totes (that we used for the sponge game) will show up! :-) They never made it home amidst all the excitement!