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I have a deep and abiding love for all the inhabitants of this planet (Earth) and view each one as my equal.

My message is not new, but with my passionate desire to help heal the planet, I join my voice to the many voices who have sung before and who are now singing to help us all experience "a whole new world".

Yes, I truly believe that LOVE IS THE ANSWER!



April 21, 2017

My Dearest Tanner, and his beautiful bride, Morgan ~

I acknowledge forthright that it is likely you will not understand what follows.  Risking judgment and misunderstanding, yet knowing for twenty-four and a half years your (Tanner’s) heart, I share my heart.


Though your spirit visited me three years before your official birth in a marvelous preparatory experience; though you announced your forthcoming arrival spirit-to-spirit (Mother’s Day 1992) and I rejoiced with that announcement; though I offered my body (exhaustion, nausea, uncomfortableness) for nine months as you developed within me, then the labor and delivery that gave you life; though I lovingly obliged swaddling and nursing you from my body for another twelve months; though I changed your diapers, wiped your nose, read you story-after-story, held you and soothed you, fed you, taught you, held you more, laughed with and explored this beautiful world with you, loved you unfalteringly…  (All of this and more is tenderly conveyed in my life story), you were physically ripped from me then systematically emotionally stripped from me when you were only ten… still so young, still developing that conscience and your ability to reason on your own.  I then had to watch from the side-lines as I viewed from a distance the implanted stories that superseded and twisted the Real Truth of our relationship.  Though and through all this… I have respected your time table of living your adopted reality.

I have hoped and invited that you would be open enough, or at least sufficiently curious, to investigate “the rest of the story.”  I have spent hundreds of hours writing my autobiography, hoping that, though you were not yet ready to open up your mind and heart to verbally ask me to fill in the many holes in your understanding, offering you another possible alternative view (mine), perhaps you would feel more comfortable to read and consider “My Truth” in solitude.  Perhaps you have judged that my life story would be filled with anger, retaliation, inventions, dishonesty.  If so, then you truly do not know me.  All of your childhood I worked vigilantly to instill within you the creed of respect for all.  I would feel great disappointment if you ever chose to dis-respect your biological father.  Or your grandparents.  Or the LDS Church which you have, with and through them, embraced.  I have not, will not, verbally nor in writing dis-respect them… or anyone.   Yet, if I did not allow the truth of my life to at least be available to be read and considered, I would be violating my own self-respect.  Thus, I have invested those hundreds of hours, dollars, and offered multiple invitations for you to at least consider a viewpoint that you have not yet been fully privy to.

Planned paradox, Jesus’ gospel caused cultural and familial rifts as well.  Joseph’s desired reiteration of the pure gospel did, too.  Indeed, every culture, through many dispensations of time, have allowed for established groups (political, geographical, cultural, familial) to transition and mutate.  July 24th marks Utah’s celebration of their “pioneers.”  Ironically, those who then choose to “pioneer” to more advanced (at least in their own minds and hearts) levels of truth are ostracized, shunned, and deemed “unworthy” of even being fully included in celebratory occasions… even of their own beloved children.  Now I am judged “not worthy” of fully participating and witnessing you in your self-proclaimed “most important moment of your most important day of your life.”  Yet, I am the one who made that life possible. 

Likewise, though I have adamantly and repeatedly conveyed that I support your decisions in your life, including your decision of who to marry and even where and by whom to marry… you have not offered that same respect to me.  I have not stipulated that you call David (Seely) “dad”.  Respectfully, you could call him any name, I know he would not mind; as long as it was done in respect and while acknowledging that he is, as Morgan is to you, MY partner.   Though it further stabbed my heart and proceeded to place a greater wedge in our relationships, in 2004 you and your siblings were told NOT to call nor refer to ME any longer as “Mommy” but that Jennifer was now granted that title and that she was your "eternal mother."  Yet, even though David (Seely) and I have freely, joyfully, and on multiple occasions offered our home, our food, our love, our respect, etc. to YOU, your siblings and your friends, you choose to not acknowledge nor welcome him except to placate me.  Yes, Our marriage was performed by One to whom you do not give authority.  Yet it (our union) is every bit as “legal” and “lawful” in our God’s eyes as any other.

 The LDS church would say that since I chose to dissociate and later relinquish its authorized temple sealing, then I am no longer a part of your “eternal family unit” after all.  Ironically, it was my inquisitiveness and my open mind, wanting the highest truth possible… at all cost… that led me from my active association with that group, yet allowed me to find that “Pearl of GREAT PRICE.”  I have no regrets whatsoever my thirty-eight years of solid, full-hearted service and membership within the LDS ranks.  Those experiences were profoundly necessary stepping stones for me.  However, I am profoundly grateful that my “broken heart and contrite spirit” allowed me to fully open up to the realization that the pure gospel of Christ that I was intensely seeking membership in had been hi-jacked.   Yet, aware of the tenacious tentacles of any and all “churches,” I have endeavored to primarily allow other individuals, even my own biological children, to spiritually mature and awaken in their own time and way, with just occasional hints and with enduring love and respect for their own spiritual time-line.

Tanner, I raised you to be sensitive, to be respectful, to be my friend.  This is what I want; an equal, respectful relationship.  Gratefully, you freely acknowledged that I have “no malice whatsoever in (my) heart.”  Yet, I do have experience in my heart.  And wisdom made available from deeply pondering on that experience.   I know that temples are the Mormon religion's most sacred places and only Mormons who obey the church's teachings are allowed within. TRULY I understand this… been there, done that… with ALL OF MY HEART!  I know that you hold temple marriage among your most important goals.  I KNOW that Mormons believe a temple wedding seals a marriage for eternity, to last even after death. It is a treasured cornerstone of the faith. I KNOW that your God and your Church Authorities come before me and our relationship.  Yet, the irony is strong:  I have dedicated my life to the search of Real Truth, respect for All, globally living in harmony as ONE (singular) ETERNAL FAMILY of a mutual “Father.”

I know that on this “most important day of your life” you want me to be outside the temple, waiting.  I know that you will come out after the ceremony and look for your mother's smile - a silent assurance that everything is OK.  I know you love me.  I know that, in your own way and clouded by your own experiences and the way those experiences have been programmed into your memory, you believe you are maneuvering through this “most important day of your life” to the best of your ability.  I truly believe that you have thought deeply, weighing all variables and, together with Morgan, come up with what you believe to be the best scenario to create this “most important day of your life” as harmoniously as possible.

Though I have four times before, I can no longer stand and wait outside a place that promises eternal families, but stands between me and my child.  My God would never ask this of a mother, or a son.  My God invites you to make the very best of this “most important day of your life” without my physical presence.  Yes, I will be smiling.  Yes, I will be beaming respect and support of your decision.  Yes, I will gladly welcome Morgan into my heart and home, acknowledging her as your wife, my daughter-in-law.  Your future children will be preciously loved as my grandchildren.  Yet, because of all the judgments and lack of respect and full disclosure of those attending and their smiles of “all’s well in zion, yea, zion prospereth” when I know fully well… it does not (!), my support and smiles will be from a distance.  If you choose to visit, and you are heartily welcomed to… with pure respect and non-judgment…  you and Morgan will be given a simple reception at our dinner table, with our simple thrift-store clothes and home-cooked meal; yet, with unfaltering love for you both.  Husband and wife.  Joining your individual journeys back to a mutual Father in one grand adventure.

Though I had planned on participating to the degree that I was invited and deemed “worthy” in this “most important day of your life,” I had also planned on participating fully from that eventful visit three years prior to your birth and throughout all your childhood… and into and through eternity.  Those plans also were changed.  Though I was there for almost continual 24/7 care and nurturing for your first ten years, I have since been the recipient of the oft-given message that I’m “not worthy” any longer to be included in many things, including your “most important day” as your “mother” and in company with others who respect me and WANT me in their company.

Tanner and Morgan, you have every right to believe and worship according to the dictates of your own conscience (A of F 11).  Also, Matthew 10: 37, a verse that, I believe, you believe, states that: He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.  Having been where you are now in my beliefs, I understand how you interpret this (and all other holy writ).  I endorse you living in alignment with your interpretation of that, and would not ask you to do otherwise.  Probably you also believe:  “Where two or more are gathered together IN MY NAME there will I be also.” 

No matter your beliefs, your conscience, your perspective, how you interpret “IN MY NAME,” I live my life IN THE NAME OF “CHRIST”… as I KNOW HIM.  I welcome you and Morgan, and anyone else, to visit me, David and Krystal, with respect for each of us and our union… even if you hold differing viewpoints.  Our home will continue to be open to you and your friends… in respect of our mutual perspectives, yet, if desired, a receptive place to laugh, enjoy camaraderie and even mutually engage in open-hearted exploration.  This is what my Christ’s life and gospel is all about.  My life as well.

Tanner, regardless of how you and Morgan choose to read and interpret the words that I have used to portray the deepest yearnings of my heart, I choose to focus on the bond we have had for 24 years.  Even though that bond has been snatched and twisted by others, in my heart a “holographic image” remains.  No one, no church, no outside stories, are going to take that away from me.  I truly believe that, eventually, the reality of that bond will again match its original essence.

Although I have given you very little monetarily or materialistically in preparation for your future life and marriage, like the “Widow’s Mite,” my offerings have been done with great love and honor for you and your choices.  Your life, your earliest foundational experiences, hopefully, have been blessed because of my simple, yet sincere offerings.

I deeply love you both.

I wish you joy on your journey.

I welcome you with joy when you choose to respectfully acknowledge MY union with David, ME as your mother.  In my heart, you will never, could never, be ex-communicated from my eternal family unit nor disassociated if that association is participated in with mutual respect.

Warmly, tenderly, enduringly, unfaltering, “I charity you.”  Mom

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