My Dearest Friends~
This is both an update and an invitation...
For any who remember, I have had a tremendous change of life open up for me--unknowingly solicited from deep within my own heart.
Since the end of June, when my "call", my heart's call, came, I have consolidated, organized, and sold off EVERYTHING. I have relinquished my "livelihood"--my preschool business--while helping to accommodate a smooth and peaceful transition for each child and family. This was amazingly undertaken as my dear friend (and spiritual sister), Beth, welcomed them each into her own preschool (which amazingly had just the perfect number of empty "slots" for each of my students AND had a change of location just at the perfect timing which enabled it all to work for each one!) I have helped my daughter update our family scrapbooks, "done" my 2008 taxes, found renters to take over the lease on my house, given one final (?) "JOY of Harmony Seminar" in the United States, and taken care of so many additional details. I have "wrapped up" relationships and lovingly and respectfully said my "good-byes."
It was an amazing few weeks. Although it would have been far easier (and more to my natural propensity) to have just GIVEN every THING away that I "owned" (and that had "attached" itself to me and my "life"), I held three garage sales, placed numerous ads, and through word-of-mouth was able to sell or give away everything I had accumulated in my (in August) 46 years that I had not as yet let go of--from piano, sectional, computer, bookshelves, books, TVs, kitchen appliances, preschool toys and materials, clothes, bedroom furniture, etc. etc. etc.
There were panicked pre-school parents and several others who expressed deep horror and sadness about my extricating myself from such an integral place in their lives. Others offered other perspectives of "fear" and "loss," some even trying to psychoanalyze my "irrational behavior." Many others expressed very warm and encouraging views, hoping to perhaps join with me in the near future. One even volunteered to rescue Krystal and raise her until I came back to my senses and the "land of the free". Each shared their own perspective. I listened to and validated each one, holding firmly to the light within myself. For in my own heart, unknown to my "rational" mind, came the deep and penetrating call that we would be all right and that I would continue to "feel" my way through the "unknowns" to the place where I could most serve and bless and, thus, find the greatest joy for myself and others.
Of most importance to me in this time of transition was strengthening the already deep bonds I had with my eight children who would not be accompanying me in this unprecedented move. How I thrilled as they each shared of their hearts and support for me. A couple gave a little grin as they slightly shook their heads and said, "That's just you, mom. You've always wanted to do something like this." I earnestly spent every moment I possibly could validating and encouraging them each in their own unique paths.
Yes, there were tears. Yes, we will miss each other. But, I KNOW, that "in the end" it's all good! I so look forward to the day that they will be more a part of my life and living (I believe) possibly closer to their own heart's compass. It will be of most interest to watch and support them--even from "afar" as they journey through their own paths.
Through the 12 or so weeks of transition, I had the sense that I was preparing for my own "death" and that I had been informed I had three months to live. What a tremendous opportunity I had: to take care of as many details and lovingly prepare those around me for my "transition." At times it felt surreal. Truly, I WAS "burying" the old me...the me that had tried to be "me" yet had also bought in to all the other programming of those in my life (parents, teachers, culture, religion, "experts," etc.) and had, in some ways, tried to live up to their expectations and requirements for "me," too. Yes, this person that "I" and others knew as "me" was being buried, her ashes spread or collected in a few "keepsake memorabilia urns" or embedded in a few hearts. The new, truer "ME" would be rising from those ashes and living a new life--this time TRULY ALIVE.
Yes, there were a few moments when I thought: "What AM I Doing???" I did shed several tears as I contemplated the lack of physical contact that I would have with so many dear to me. After all, there WERE innumerable unknowns and "what if's???". This truly was a venture with no "guide book" or any other "wise one" holding my hand. Though it would most definitely have been easier to have been going with another individual (or a group!) or without a young child looking up to me for her needs and guidance, I had the deep "knowing" that, at this leg of the journey, I must be going it "alone."
I also knew that even if I DID make a huge "mistake" (or a whole slew of them, for that matter!) that I would not really learn or grow by staying in relative security and by taking no real risks, never branching out into the unknown. I could learn from those "mistakes." AND, if I were to ignore the deep, warm calling of my heart to TAKE THIS NEXT STEP, I would never again know the peace that I had already established in my life, much less grow to a level of greater peace, joy and wisdom BEYOND.
Just a few days before my trip, I was offered an opportunity to rent an apartment in downtown Quito. I accepted it and am now renting a comfortable one-room apartment from a warm family who has opened their own home and hearts to Krystal and I, making our first few days here very pleasant while offering the help they could. I have felt deeply grateful and cognizant that this is one more area where "divine intervention" has been working behind the scenes.
Also, I had desired to keep using my car as long as I possibly could before my move. Although I did not officially "put it up for sell," one family expressed persistent interest in it and tried to get me to greatly reduce the price I had thought was very fair. I held firm, knowing that the sell of the car (as well as every other detail in my life) would weave itself together as I proceeded, not in haste or fear, but in confidence and peace. Two days before my departure, Marti, a dear friend, volunteered to handle the selling of my car. So, without any real attempt on my part, and in a matter of just a few days, she sold the car for me at a higher price than I was even asking and was able to get hundreds more for it than I was even expecting.
I have now been in Quito, Ecuador for exactly two weeks. Although we nearly missed our flight (we were "hanging out" in the airport with my daughter Alyssa and friend, Beth) because of a sudden swell in the lines through security and (unknown to us) early boarding, the flights themselves were largely smooth and uneventful. Krystal was amazingly calm and peacefully interested during both flights -- which encompassed all the day of the 20th. We arrived near midnight and, after pretty-much being waived through customs (because of the late hour and my young child?) we were greeted by a most welcome, well-written sign ("Kimberly Wallis") and smile on Ricardo's face (the before-unknown uncle of another new friend, Fernando).
Originally, I was told that I could have this apartment for a month. The morning after I got here, however, the family informed me that they had just talked with their mother/grandmother (the one who often used it) and told her about me. She had volunteered to stay with them in their home on her visits and so... the apartment was now mine for as long as I wanted it. They have truly opened up their hearts and their home, their dining room table, kitchen, time and lives to Krystal and I. I stand all amazed at the compassion and kindness shown to "strangers."
Krystal and I have taken many walks and trolley car rides throughout the town while we have attempted to get to know our new surroundings and its people and customs, set up our new "home" and supplying the simple "things" that would help our "home" be more accommodating: food, ultra-simple kitchen tools and supplies, etc. One of the large city parks that is thronged by many (vendors, musicians, students after school, lovers, etc.) is just a short ten minute walk away. I have thrilled to see Krystal rise in her ability to approach an unknown child with her attempts to speak a few words in a still-foreign tongue and find a friend to play with her on the playground.
I endeavor to learn the language as rapidly as possible. I believe that through this process (truly one of "immersion") and the study and attention (and music and children's stories with Krystal!) I will be able to. I have so very much to share! So much I want to lift and bless and become a true part of. One dear friend/brother wrote to me: "I feel that the miracle you seek (in communicating) lies within yourself. Love is a universal language, let it speak, let it shine." His words echoed my own heart and brought greater peace. Truly, I am one of these "little ones" that I seek to bless, too! I can be patient with myself in my learning process. My love and warm smiles DO shine and ARE felt by others. (Yes, I see the smiles and the rolled eyes, too, as I stammeringly attempt to negotiate purchases and communicate with my new friends... :-) )
It is impossible NOT to see the impoverishment in this city. Living in the middle of "down-town," we leave the ground-level door to our building (we are on the 4th floor/roof) and turn our heads either way and are immediately at different "shops." The beggars sit on the sides of the street. The drunk lies sleeping in his vomit. The young and old continually implore us to buy their wares (from "chicklet" [gum] to batteries to lottery tickets to the native fruits and foods...). Young babies sit in boxes at their mothers' sides, or wrapped in a sheet on their bodies. Toddlers play nearby. As we board buses and trolley cars to take us on more distant excursions, sellers also frequently board to bark their items to a captive audience. Always I desire to give my deep eye contact and encouraging word. Though I, at times, oblige and buy some small item or foodstuff, most often I quietly shake my head "No, gracias," feeling in my heart that perhaps my gift to this individual through my life, my book and its message will help more than the temporary 20 cents or so.
Although dramatically different from the relatively quiet neighborhood street of our former home in suburban Gilbert, Arizona, these people are every bit my "brothers and sisters" and endeavoring to live their lives as they see fit. People are, after all, people; unique, wonderful, each trying to fit in and find themselves as they can while caring for their continual needs.
Coincidentally (???) our home is very close to the main street that runs the entire length of the city and glues the city together, "10 de Agosto" --the day of the country's first cry for liberation--my birthday--August 10th.
Residents of Quito have remarked, confounded, that Krystal and I have not experienced one moment of altitude sickness. I have been told that for most all people, coming from the elevation we did, to this two-mile-high city, typically involves nausea and vomiting, disorientation and other difficulties. Likewise, we did fine with the air travel and didn't experience the typical "jet lag." I DID, a few days ago, however, suffer from too graciously accepting the offers to eat (too much and too often!) of the native food. Probably the greatest culprit was my enthusiastic indulgence in the sweet, caramelly concoction gifted to me by the man I'm renting from and indigenous of the Ecuadorian coast (his native land). YUM!!! It reminds me of the caramel toffee my grandmother would bring back from her visits to Canada-- just softer and with flakes of coconut. Well, the next day I paid for it (as I would have living in the states, too)! I was re-minded that my simple diet can take a LITTLE bit of "tweaking" now and again, but NOT a few meals all in a row!
The rooster on the roof next door (just outside our bedroom window) earnestly wakes us between 4:30 and 5:00 in the morning (depending on cloud cover and pollution ;-) ). I have also learned to listen intently to the "just right" sound of the shower indicating that I have set the faucet at the exact (split-hair) setting to give us luke-warm (sometimes even WARM! for a few seconds or minute!) water. The water everywhere else in the apartment is ALWAYS freezing cold. Though originally built with both hot and cold running water, I was told that the hot water pipes burst about ten years ago and they are unable to be fixed. Downtown, where we are, 90% of the buildings have running water. Outside of downtown, there are most that are not so fortunate.
Growing up, I was "programmed" by my family of origin that to be "dirty" was a disgusting and flagrant travesty. Oh, the pride! Oh, the lack of understanding! As Quito was far more "cool" than I had anticipated (being about 40-65 degrees fahrenheight inside our apartment at any given time--although outside is like a continual, likely-to-change-any-moment "spring") it took me several days of practicing to find my confidence with the shower faucet and be brave enough to give Krystal a shower. And, though I do not feel comfortable with how my hair looks or feels if I go more than a day without washing it, I have been very often glad that I have (many years ago) learned to "condition" my hair AFTER the shower is over, thus, cutting down a whole minute or two of possible cold water.
Because of all I had to weave together in those last few weeks of preparing for this move, I had not responded to emails and details of life that were not of utmost precedent. Though I endeavored to always flow through my experience in peace, there were many friends and relationships that I "put on hold" until I had a moment to think and feel my way through to respond. Then, being without the internet in this new venture for many days, it has for these last couple days, been most thrilling to be able to slowly find the time to begin to reconnect with each one.
This last week, I have spent considerable thought and time (and been most wondrously helped by Diego and Ricardo) and have found what I believe to be a wonderful opportunity for Krystal. Weekday mornings in a preschool called "The Sunrise House" will offer her an experience to socialize, make new friends, learn the spanish language and and culture while continuing to grow and thrive in ways that I can not offer myself. Then, in the afternoons (working around her naps when possible), we can venture together to volunteer in the orphanages, mingle with the indigenous, care for our home, or whatever. I am so glad for this opportunity for Krystal, AND look forward to having time open up for me to do those things of my heart.
I intend to continue my writings and feel my way into this new situation. Perhaps I will get a part-time job in a school. I hope to have as much opportunity to use my life in truly interacting with those who could benefit the most. I have just been introduced to a woman who is enthusiastically taking me to a couple of orphanages this coming Thursday morning. Another day this week I intend to find my way to the part of town where the "street children" are most prolific and personally begin to learn what I can of that situation.
Though I am still "feeling my way" through this transition and endeavoring to establish myself in this new culture as I see how I can best "LIVE" and help others, one thing, above any other, stands out to me the most:
I FEEL SOOOOOOO FREE!
I had had NO IDEA that each "thing" I had held on to as being "needed" and part of the Almighty "American Dream" was really one more "weight" on my shoulders, one more chain around me, locking me in a virtual "prison." I now feel so very liberated! Perhaps the greatest gift I have to offer the "poor" Ecuadorian people is that "IT'S ALL BACKWARDS!!!" "Don't listen to anyone else! YOU are not the poor! YOU are not slaves to society's requirements of "the Good Life"! By having nothing--YOU are unencumbered by STUFF! The body needs farrrrr less to live on and does amazingly better with only a small fruit or two a day! YOU are the RICH! Smile and FEEL Alive and you will begin to really LIVE and enJOY life! Or, as a friend recently said, "They are poor because they 'believe' they are poor because of the monetary image burned in their mind with materialism." Just maybe I can help someone else change their "vision," their mind and beliefs of "the good life."
Having lived now on both sides: coming from a "gorgeous" 7,000 square foot home on the hill with an acre of ground and mountain surrounding us (8 bedrooms, 7 toilets), proceeding through my divorce to smaller and smaller, less and less...I NOW realize that having little to nothing, with very little monetary obligations, relatively few bills, no stress, no time-demands...I FEEL SO FREE! I had heard it said that "The richest man is he who needs the least." I have proved it true for myself.
Now, while so much of the world is in a great economic frenzy; when gas is at an all-time-high, curtailing the ability for most to venture as far as desired; when the cost of "food" has skyrocketed; when that which is called "food" is raised on vastly nutritionally-deprived soil, blasted with toxic chemicals, the seeds-themselves genetically modified (a.k.a. destroyed from their former divinely created state), irradiated, heated so that many essential elements and catalysts are destroyed, gassed, wrapped in artificial environments of plastic, styrofoam and metals, transferred over hundreds or thousands of miles, processed beyond any recognition of their "nature-intended" state...; when people toil and struggle and stress and lose sleep over keeping (or finding) their jobs, paying their bills, keeping the kids full (and out of their hair); when all the above (and so much more) keep those "civilized" folk day-after-day digging their own graves while suffering from stress and depression, etc....
I can whistle and smile and giggle and LIVE. I can find and bring to the world the "true" ME. Perhaps I can even shine a light that will help another find THEIR "true" self. Oh...what...JOY. When people were behind-my-back discussing whether I was "brave," or crazy, I'm just grateful that I continued to place one foot in front of the other--to find...ME.
I have, indeed, been witnessing that LAUGHTER HAS NO ACCENT. My smiles, laughter, attempts to joke have increased the happiness of others around me. There are at those times no language barriers, no cultural differences. We are truly brothers and sisters.
What will tomorrow bring? What will I find to DO and BE??? I'll see.... And, hopefully, each day my "seeing" will be a little clearer, a little more "real."
Hopefully, at some point soon, I will be able to more fully introduce the already-established-and-waiting plan of the Worldwide United Foundation (
www.wwunited.org) to help EACH person breathing have their own basic necessities and end their toil and struggle, thus empowering them to find THEMSELVES. Perhaps the more humble here in Ecuador will be receptive to its goal. Meanwhile, I share as much as I can with whomever seems ready (and in my halting tongue). My vision is firmly focused on a harmonious, joy-filled future FOR ALL! I will request that the cards, brochures and website be translated, published and available as soon as possible into spanish.
For any who may be interested, I desire to continue to share my learnings and experiences through my life's path. Tune in next time...:-)
Meanwhile, the lyrics to this song (and the link to the You Tube) express my heart at this point.
This is my new theme song: "I Want to Live" (by John Denver)
There are children raised in sorrow
On a scorched and barren plain
There are children raised beneath a golden sun
There are children of the water
Children of the sand
And they cry out through the universe
Their voices raised as one
I want to live I want to grow
I want to see I want to know
I want to share what I can give
I want to be I want to live
Have you gazed out on the ocean
Seen the breaching of a whale?
Have you watched the dolphins frolic in the foam?
Have you heard the song the humpback hears five hundred miles away
Telling tales of ancient history of passages and home?
I want to live I want to grow
I want to see I want to know
I want to share what I can give
I want to be I want to live
For the worker and the warrior the lover and the liar
For the native and the wanderer in kind
For the maker and the user and the mother and her son
I am looking for my family and all of you are mine
We are standing all together
Face to face and arm in arm
We are standing on the threshold of a dream
No more hunger no more killing
No more wasting life away
It is simply an idea
And I know its time has come
I want to live I want to grow
I want to see I want to know
I want to share what I can give
I want to be I want to live
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EI-ABFXylJUHasta Manana,
Kimberly
I was appalled!. This was a tiny girl, all by herself. As I quietly walked up behind a tree to take a picture of her, she saw me and eagerly, authoritatively, ran to me, saying: "Give me money! Give me money, please. PLEASE give me money!!! I have nothing to eat." (This was said in Spanish.) I bought a package of gum from her, to which she nearly snatched the dime from my hand. I asked her what her name was: "Michelle" was her reply. Michelle answered my next question that she was two years old. She was the most assertive two-year-old I have ever met (and I have met and interacted with many!).
with those begging and selling. And yet...
with those begging and selling. And yet...
