What should I gift to my father on father's day?

What should I gift to my father on father's day?

That depends !  J  Who do you consider your father?

This may seem a bizarre question, but let me strive to explain, hopefully in a way to bring understanding:

A bird creates a nest, releases fertilized eggs from within her body, then sits upon them to keep the eggs at a stable warm temperature to allow for their further development.  After the maturation is complete within that cramped sphere, a young bird cracks open her shell, emerges from her “womb” which would have become her “tomb” if she had stayed longer, and gradually becomes comfortable with the next stage of her life in her new world… the nest.  Here, the mother, not the egg via the mother, but the mother directly (and/ or father) feed the hatchling from their own mouth.  The tiny bird sees her parent fly off, returning some time later with yummy food which is transferred from mother’s beak to child’s mouth, thus appeasing the gnawing pain felt in its stomach. 

Mother birds have sufficient wisdom to understand that this tiny new creature is still dependent upon her for its continued life.  She also understands that neither her life nor her child’s is complete if she overdoes her role and continues to care for her growing young after it has developed to a point of being capable of caring for itself.  Thus, the time eventually comes when the young bird MUST venture forth from its second womb, the nest, and seek its own food.  Sometimes, the bird’s attempt is not successful and, instead of discovering its wings and flight, it plummets down to the ground and meets an untimely demise.  Other times, its second birth… into the heights and breadths of a three dimensional world… is successful.  Then, this maturing bird is entitled to enjoy another reality:  It can FLY!  Eventually, this next stage might allow her to find a mate for herself and go through her own scenario of bearing eggs and raising progeny.  Always, the goal is to maintain a balance so that all generations’ life cycles are correctly and successfully realized and all of nature remains in relative harmony. 

Although birds hatch and quickly appear very much like their parent, some animals go through various stages of transformation until their final body type.  A caterpillar must maneuver through egg, worm, cocoon, and finally, butterfly.  Each stage requires a different skill set, a different appetite and food source, and a different body.  A tadpole first emerges as an egg, and then begins to grow a tail, and then feet, finally losing his tail as his gills develop into lungs.  This newly developed creature, a frog, in no way resembling its original “self,” must now leave his world of water and be “born again” into an atmosphere of oxygen.  To fail to correctly and completely take a breath of air means sure and sudden death, even after successful completion of each former stage.

Is man any different?

No, not in the ways that he has arrogantly and ignorantly assumed!  Yet, because there is no correct “vision, the people perish.”  We have, as a culture, bought into a severely lowered understanding of our potential, individually and globally.  In our collective ignorance, we have accepted half-truths and false understandings. We have been accepting, “honoring,” and paying tribute to the wrong “fathers!”  J

Stay with me here….  J

Are You My Mother is a simple, well-loved children’s classic that I have read scores of times to children who see the gentle humor, feeling the growing tension of the search, as a little bird seeks to find his “mother.”  The book opens with a mother bird sitting on her egg. When the egg begins to move, she leaves the nest to find some food for her anticipated baby. In her absence, the egg hatches, and the hatchling sets out in search of his mother. He asks a kitten, a hen, a dog, and a cow if they are his mother and each, more or less, say "no." He sees a rusty car, a far-away boat, and an airplane, questioning each of them, “are YOU my mother?” only to determine that, no, they each fail his test. Finally, he finds a construction digger, which he calls a “Snort.”  The digger lifts him high in the air, frightening him terribly, then drops him back into his nest where he meets his mother as she is returning home from her own quest.  Snuggling together at last, the bird (and each child) feels deeply reassured that his world is safe and secure once again.   He has found his rightful mother. 

So, what does this have to do with the question of a gift for Father’s Day?  Please… allow me to expand your awareness on this MOST important of ALL topics.  J  (Although my thesis is NOT “religious,” I will expose hidden jewels from several avenues.  There is SOOOO much to glean on this subject.  What I share here, because of my desire to be as concise as possible, will merely scratch the surface and warrants many more disclosures.  I suggest that each reader with determination to understand, open her heart and mind and sincerely ask for further insight.)

Okay.  Here goes:  J

Many religions have specific rites of passage.  One shared by most is some form of “baptism,” in which the initiate is symbolically washed clean with water.  Within the LDS religion, the baptism is not considered complete unless it is followed by the “confirmation” ordinance.  Clueless to its hidden symbology, most “religious” people, including the LDS, fail to understand the deep significance of their confirmation.  The mandate is:  “Receive the Holy Ghost.”

When a tender infant leaves his mother’s womb and is, thus, born of the water(s), because his spiritual eyes are still immature, he quickly closes them and adopts (as prophesied) “eyes that do not see, ears that do not hear.”  Thus, in his spiritual “blindness,” he fails to realize that his initial birth into the world of matter is merely a temporary “second womb,” the womb of spirit or emotion.  Only when a person spiritually (emotionally) matures (which usually takes many, many life times!) and completes his spiritual (emotional) journey concomitantly with his physical development, is his original goal realized.  (Picture the analogy in fairy tale of “Beauty” finding the “Beast” and the two falling in love… of necessity BEFORE “the last rose petal falls”… or rather, death ensues.) 

The baptism (for those who believe in and use its veracity) is merely a “second chance” on one’s first birth.  Coming out of the water, dripping wet and symbolically naked (in pure white clothes), the initiate has been “washed clean” and is allowed another opportunity to start afresh to live “right-use-ly.”  An absolute and zealous change of mind (“repentance”) with an accompanying determination to live in accord with the highest within one’s self is a personal, non-religious “baptism.”  However, again, this physical birth and subsequent baptism only signify the “FIRST birth.”  “Must” allows no wiggle room.  There is a mandate:  “Man MUST be born AGAIN or he can in no wise enter the kingdom of heaven.”  Another birth is requisite.

As Jesus taught Nicodemus:  a man (EVERY human) MUST be “born again”… of “the spirit,” the whole spirit or Holy Spirit. 

The grave is not the goal!  As is promised throughout fairytales, scripture, myth, the LDS Endowment, and, most of all, within humanity’s inner “knowing,” death is NOT the front door into heaven.  It is the back, revolving door. To “run and not be weary, to walk and not faint” and to have “the destroying angel pass one by,” to receive “immortality and eternal life”… IS the goal.    Dying is merely a failed attempt at reaching one’s final destination. 

Purposely synchronized, one’s “Father” awaits each “hide and seek” quest, eager and ready to provide all that was formerly promised:  “Health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews….”  There has never been a greater gift promised.  Never a more sincere mandate:  “RECEIVE the Holy Ghost!”… the proffered gift.

There is only ONE “True” Father for each one of us.  “He” is the one that will feed his mortal avatar correctly and guide him or her to a complete and final merger with all its promised reward.  Thus, the body and spirit (whole, holy emotional well-being [JOY]) becoming one inseparably connected and immortal “Soul.”

Although this truth is naively promoted by many in the statement:  “I am a child of God,” out of the other side of their mouth and a second after singing this song, they may be discussing the inevitability of their death.  WHAT?!  If a tadpole were to promote that he was a child of a frog, and yet fail to continue his full development into froghood, dying in complacency, that would be a lamentable thing!

Having precious and respectful love for each human on this planet, still, my role is to “pull the rug out from under” mortality’s feet and remind those prepared of their original, implanted goal.  Yes, I will continue to rock your foundation!  J  A mortal, biological “father,” one who contributes his DNA upon conception, is intended to be a source of protection, assistance and nurturing for his progeny.  BUT ONLY UNTIL THAT CHILD MATURES PHYSICALLY.  It is intended that that child is raised correctly into respect for himself and all others and mentored how to maintain his emotional stability, also by the time of physical maturity.  This is spiritual maturity.  At that point, the child-parent relationship is then re-defined as one of equals.  The two are now equal, respectful, global siblings… just like everyone else. 

To endeavor to enforce a permanent relationship of “father/ mother à son/ daughter” is a horrendous disservice.  That is the mamma bird disallowing her child from finding her own wings and creating her own life… as an equal.  We are ONE global family; all “brothers” and “sisters.”  The LDS Church’s “eternal family” focus has created confusion, heartache, and contributed significantly to the rising generations’ suicide epidemic.  Again, we are ALL ONE GLOBAL FAMILY of siblings.

“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathers her chicks, and yet ye would not.…”

When the still, small, inner voice (of one’s “Father”) is not heard or collides with the pleading or demanding outer voice of the biological parent who insists that NO, *HE* is the one who should be “honored” that the child’s “days may be long upon the land,” the cognitive dissonance that ensues has left in its wake confusion, depression, anger, and… often led to what appears to be the only way out… ending the great tug-of-war.  But, this emotional and mental “Armageddon” could lead to “rest,” “revival,” and “the front door” into “heaven,” if only one knew that that front door exists and is possible. Yet, there HAVE been some who have found this very door, leaving clues to its existence and pathway.

The Greatest Gift one can give one’s mortal father, mother, sister, brother, neighbor, self… is to accept the gift from one’s TRUE Eternal “Father” of “receiving the Holy Ghost.”  Yet, “He” will “force no man to heaven.”   His gift must be truly wanted.  Tried and discarded must be one’s selfish individual “free” will.  In its place, with confidence and humility must be the declaration:  “THY will be done.”  I want what THOU wants for me, not what my without-wisdom avatar THINKS it wants.  And what is the True Eternal “Father’s” Will?  To grant each and every one of us, His children, with “immortality and eternal life,” living in a restored “paradisiacal” earth where there is NO POOR among us and we each and all live with mutual respect and honor for each other.  THIS is eternal family life.

When our decisions are ALL made from the sincere lens of “what is best for everyone?” versus “what do I (which includes my own biological family) want?” then we are likely gifting “an acceptable gift” for our True Father.  We are then helping Him in His work and His glory (“to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man”).  Anything less is a fleeting and corrupt gift while refusing “His” proffered gift, and contributes to the disintegration of global harmony, working against the Father and His work for all of his global family:  to provide ALL of His children with their basic necessities and to protect their self will as they pursue happiness in their journey of finding Him… and eternal life. 

Here is the link for us to globally and as one united family put the Father’s Plan into action:  http://www.humanityparty.com/

Exactly one year ago this “Father’s Day”:  June 18, 2016, I experienced what few currently on this planet have experienced.  I merged, once again, with my own Eternal Father.  I received “His” gift.  My receipt of “His” gift to me was the greatest Father’s Day gift I could ever give “Him.”  I wrote about my experience in the following link: 

http://loveistheanswer-kimberly.blogspot.com/2016/07/free-will-isnt-free_8.html

Because of the unspeakable JOY I felt, and continue to feel continually, every day of my life, MY next pursuit is fulfilling my responsibility to assist any other so desirous of receiving and giving that same unfathomable gift.  Oh, how I longingly look forward to a grand, global “Father’s Day!”  J

So… “How is this done, you ask?”  Oh, I am so glad that you are curious!  I would love to demonstrate.  Stay tuned…..

Going “Home”

April 22, 2001, a day that could have been just “an ordinary Sunday” for most anyone else… changed my life in a pivotal way. Probably the synchronicity of events worked perfectly in my behalf. I had given birth to Harmony (my 8th child) the previous August and “taken off” the next two or three Sundays, enjoying being home alone with just my new little angel. Then, for most of the next few months, I was a regular substitute in either the youngest Primary classes, Primary Chorister, or with the nursery toddlers. I realized that being with these young children and sharing the pure, undiluted principles of “the gospel,” (basically, “be kind because everyone is your neighbor”, etc.) was what the gospel of Jesus Christ was really all about. That was exactly where “Jesus” would have chosen to be.  These children were warm, responsive and had “the Mormon Glow” (see my answer to this question if interested).  Although I did maintain my monthly Relief Society teaching calling for the sisters, most of my church experiences were, for those several months, with the pure-in-heart children.

However, after taking Parker (my 7th child, two years old at that time) to his nursery class on this particular morning, I realized that “Since I’m not substituting today, I guess it’s time for me to attend class with my age-peers.”  This choice allowed for a pivotal experience. Sitting near the back of the chapel in the Gospel Doctrine class, I saw my dear friends in attendance, watched a man I very much liked “teach” them from the “authorized” material, and yet I saw, superimposed over the scene, this “teacher” plugging pacifiers into the adult “students’” mouths and “lulling them off to sleep” with his words, words that came from a prescribed book from the “authorities.” It seemed to me that the members were zombies just sitting in attendance for their “weekly transfusion.”

As I sat there and allowed myself to just open up my gaze and look, really look, I was seeing the same scene I had seen multiple times throughout my life; and yet my eyesight now seemed to have changed. My dear friends were nothing but robots… lukewarm child robots with no blood pumping in their own veins, no life in their eyes, no passion moving them. My heart felt ready to break. I had seen them before, of course, I had sat through literally thousands of Sunday School classes. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, things seemed to have changed. Or was it me?

Stunned at this familiar scene that I was finally really witnessing, I watched… really watched… for several minutes. Then, in despair, I offered up a silent prayer, “Father, what do I do? What do I do?!”

“Go home,” I felt in answer.

In amazement, I did go home. But not immediately. Having never even ditched a class in high school and having given 1000% of myself to “the church” throughout my entire life, this moment was a real struggle within me as I initially tried to subjugate what felt to be a bizarre call to rebellion.  And, though I took it somewhat quickly, I unconsciously allowed myself to break it down into steps.

I went first to my (then) husband’s 14-year-old Sunday School class. Here was the same scenario acted out, just with younger actors and on a smaller stage. The seven or eight teenagers in attendance were anywhere but within their physical bodies sitting on those metal chairs. Looking around, I saw the glazed look of the eyes and the body language that communicated that they were merely “doing their time.”

David was teaching about Joseph Smith’s “first visitation”—an experience that, to my understanding at that time was a profoundly pivotal and thrilling experience that could give LIFE to anyone who listened with ears to hear and a heart to understand. Yet, David droned on in the same robotic re-hashing that these youngsters had probably heard scores of times before. After a few minutes, I smiled a weak “thank you and excuse me,” gathered up Harmony and my bags and… walked the few blocks home.

Putting my baby down to sleep, I stretched myself out on my bed and let sobs shatter forth from my body. My heart was breaking open, letting many years of unexpressed confusion and emotion flow out. I bawled. I pounded my fists upon the mattress. I sobbed sobs which had yearned for release for quite some time. Finally, I was able to speak: “Father, I would scrub toilets for the rest of my life if that would help you in your kingdom. Where do you want me? Where can I serve you the most?”

In answer, I received, “You can serve me the most where your heart feels the most comfortable” (repeated three times). I marveled as the words sank in… deeper and deeper. I pondered. I was “still” and waited… and as my heart warmed and expanded to allow understanding to open up to me, I “listened” to my feelings, my inner wisdom.

Where DID I feel comfortable? In the church that I had thought every day of my life was HIS? I had to admit, no. Although I had for all of my life desired to attend and serve within it, I no longer did. My attempts now felt fruitless.

I was then told, “Then I don’t want you there.”

I pondered on the myriads of opportunities that I had been given and accepted in my attempts to pour forth the intensity of my love, faith and enthusiasm for living what I believed with all of my heart to be “the true gospel of Jesus Christ” with its “saving ordinances” to my fellow brothers and sisters. (I had had my first “calling” in “the church” at 13 years old, as Primary Pianist.  I had since been Laurel Class President, had given the Commencement speech in High School Seminary Graduation, served and presided over thousands of young adults at BYU as the Stake Activities Director [in the now Provo Tabernacle turned Temple], been Stake Primary President at the young age of 25, served in several other stake and ward leadership positions over the next decade, completely supported my husband in his Bishopric and Stake callings, contributed whole-heartedly in each and every way I possibly could throughout my nearly 40 years of life.

I had intently and with real desire to KNOW and APPLY the jewels of the Book of Mormon to my life read and studied it dozens of times and over thousands of hours.)  I thought of the many times I had attended classes and activities with the prayer in my heart to be “His voice,” “His hands,” “as He directs.” So often I had sensed the apparent life-lessness of others in attendance, and yet I had felt and convinced myself that my love and passion could and really would help. Now, however, I had changed. And as I opened up to a literal course-change, it was with some trepidation and unknowing, yet with conviction and a reservoir of peace that empowered me. In awe and amazement, I realized that… I was not going back.

Needless to say, this caused no small stir within my world. After a few weeks of not attending and of gently requesting to the Relief Society President to be released from my teaching calling among the women, the Bishop called and asked to talk with me. He and others assumed that I must have had my feelings hurt in some way or another. I had not. I just simply did not “fit” in their church any more. I was realizing that my “church” inside me was far more real than any mortal sanctuary and its proscribed regulations.

I also realized, and claimed the right to have no “middle-man” in my personal and very real relationship with divinity. I wanted out of any and all “boxes.” I wanted the FULLNESS of truth… with no barriers, no walls. I wanted to know the REAL truth and to let that truth completely set me free.

I saw the handful of times that I had gone to my “Bishops,” “Stake Presidency” or “Temple Workers” with sincere questions and needs… only to feel that “they were just as ignorant as anyone else, only some of them placed themselves higher than others upon the hierarchy of mankind. The reason why not one of them ever had offered me a surer link to “God” than I had manifested repeatedly for myself by myself was because… none of them could! They were simply other human beings wandering blindly down their own paths, unaware of the pure and piercing lights of their own souls, thus, unable to be a light for me or anyone else!

Now, however, the bishop implored me to come back, stating that “many women in the ward had said that they didn’t feel the spirit any more without (me) in their classes.” I looked him deeply in the eyes and said, “Bishop, the women and the ward do NOT need ME, they need to find the Spirit for themselves. I will always continue to love them and desire to be their friend as long as they would like, but I am choosing to no longer participate in the church.” I pondered on what I should do with my church “membership,” but felt impressed to, “Let them do with you whatsoever they wish.”

My children each came to me within the next few days (although my oldest one did not for a few weeks) and asked if they could stay home with me and have me teach them on Sundays, each expressing their own “reason” and feelings. I always responded that, as always, I wanted them to tune into, listen to and follow their own divine direction, and that I would support the direction that they felt to go. Thus began some tremendously liberating and wondrously fun Sundays.

David, however, was intensely afraid and confused, expressing great anger. How DARE I give up on that which was the most important element in life… the “one and only true church upon the earth?!”

But, I did dare.  And, looking back, it is that very courage, that element that said, “I want truth at ALL costs!” that paved my way and prepared me for life “beyond.” That same daring continues to lead me further still.  I have NO REGRETS that I was originally raised with the gospel according to “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.”  Because I had not read nor sought “anti” materials, was not “offended,” and because I did not yet utilize the internet that swiftly then became available, I truly followed no one, but my own inner compass.  However, since that day in April, 2001, I have been led to further and further amazing truths that have shed profound light on, “the church” and the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, Jr., the Endowment and Temple Work, Jesus Christ,  the “priesthood,” etc. etc. etc.  Truly, following with greater and greater confidence and clarity, “this little light of mine” inside has brought me the precious “pearl of great price,” and, yes, “the Truth, the Real Truth, has set me free!”

My joys, my understandings, my true relationships, my “Knowing” of “Jesus the Christ” and all those I had so earnestly sought to “Know” for those prior 40 years, has come to fruition.  Not within any man-made walls or sanctuaries, but within my own  physical frame, I have found “the peace that passeth all understanding.”  (All of that, and so much more, I will save for later posts.)  For those who need to be pacified, need “the milk of the gospel,” let them suck where their hearts feel the most comfortable, whomever their surrogate parent.    For me, I want to experience and understand the heights, the depths, all that was originally promised me.  No “robotic” life for me!  Although I want this for everyone else, too, I realize that we all have our own time table.  Though my “leaving” the LDS Church caused great rifts in many lives, I have since come to peace for those others as well, knowing that we each get that which we really, truly want.  For those who want that which the LDS Church offers, I truly support their feasting at that table.  For me, my heart now enjoys what to me tastes far more exquisitely delicious and needs no three-hour per week “re-fill” because I continually feast and am filled.

What is the “Mormon glow”?

(The following is my response to J Joe Townley's question which I posted on Quora:)

Thank you, J Joe Townley, for asking this question.  But, before I proceed to answer it, and with a desire to know more about the perspective of the “asker”... you, I went to your profile.  I saw there that you are a musician, a composer, a lover of classical music.  So am I.  Perhaps with lesser skill than you, but nevertheless, I feel a respect for your interest in music.  What I did not find was if you, yourself, are a “Mormon” or believe You have “the glow.”  I hope that my answer is written in a way that you will find understanding, regardless of your situation. 

Having been a deeply committed “Mormon” for most of my life, I have chosen to disassociate myself from that organization for the past 16 years yet maintain a deep love for the people as well as profound gratitude for my experiences within their midst.  Perhaps my perspective can be particularly beneficial.  Here goes:

The “Mormon Glow” is a literal physical phenomenon.  Although many in our culture do not have access to the sensorial ability to “see” a physical light within and surrounding a human body... in this case, a “Mormon”... some throughout the ages have, and some still do have, “eyes that see.”  Most individuals might argue this point, saying:  “I have two eyes on my face, they work fairly well.  Of course I can see!”    Yet, I would declare that Helen Keller, though blind with her two facial eyes, “saw” much clearer than most in our present generation.  Obviously, there are other ways to “see.”  Although a natural birth-right, this sensorial ability has been largely bred out of “civilized” culture.  But not entirely.  You, J Joe, are obviously aware to some degree.  You obviously have eyes that are not entirely blind.  Yes.  There IS a “Mormon Glow.”.

As a musician, you must be very aware that music is a vibration within the energy field.  Vibration within this degree is capable of being perceived by most human ears.  Truly, it can be said that “music is what feelings sound like.”  Music is also what light sounds like when transposed to the auditory octave.  Additionally, light is what music sounds like when transposed to the visible range.  Many species of animals can hear and respond to a far greater degree of auditory tones than most humans.  Others are acquiring (or re-acquiring) other sensory abilities.  Just because one person can perceive (hear, see, feel) something and another cannot, does not necessarily mean that the catalyst for the perception (vibration/ light) does not exist.

Allow me to present an analogy:

A man passes an open door where he views another man sitting on a sofa, eyes closed, and with an expression of great pleasure on his face as he sways back and forth.  The man decides that he would like to experience the same pleasure as the man on the sofa, so he enters the rooms, silently settles down next to the seated man, closes his eyes, and assumes the same facial features, the same swaying movements.  A third man passes by the open door, peers inside and sees, apparently, two men having the same experience.  However, unknown to this third man, the second man is deaf; therefore, unable to hear, he is not aware that the first man is listening to music which enlivens his soul.  Although he sees the facial expressions and movement, he is not able to hear that which is propelling the hearing man’s experience.  Thus, they may be moving in a synchronized manner, yet this second man is just “going through the motions.”  The third man may as yet have no clue that the other two are not sharing the same type of experience.

Another analogy:

A man responds to an ad for a job interpreting Morse code.  He goes to the office and is told to “wait in the other room.”  Entering, he sees several others there before him, obviously waiting for the same interview.  After a few minutes, this man stands up, walks to a closed door, opens it and walks in, closing the door behind him.  Shortly, he exits that same room, a look of accomplishment on his face.  He has obviously just been hired for the job.  Why him?

While the other waiting interview-wannabees have their thoughts obviously elsewhere, this man was not distracted by his thoughts or senses but was peacefully composed and capable of hearing what the others could not.  Quietly, a code had been being tapped which the man had heard, correctly interpreted, and acted upon:  “If you can translate this, then enter into the room on the east.  You have the job.”  The man who received the job was the one “attuned” to hearing that which the other “chattering minds” had blocked out.  His stillness (mental peace) inside allowed for greater acuity of a sense that they probably all shared, but most were stressfully “passed feeling” (hearing).

Years ago, while walking through the crowded foyer following a televised General Relief Society Meeting (held once a year for Mormon women eighteen and older), a non-member friend of a friend commented to me in total sincerity:  “What soap do you Mormons use?”  She was seeing it.  The “Mormon glow” was picked up by her senses.

Many people, especially LDS (“Mormons”) themselves, can travel the world and be pretty accurate in spotting another Mormon.  A prime example is an R. M. (“returned missionary”).  A young twenty-something man who has recently returned from giving his heart, mind and time for two years to serving (he sincerely believes) his “fellow man” while on an LDS mission often has that glow.  He shines.  Truly, it appears that there is a light or something else nearly tangible emanating from him.  He looks clean, peaceful, sincere, happy.  He radiates a light.

Many pictures depicting the one known as “Jesus the Christ” include a halo around his head.  “Mother Mary” usually is portrayed as having that same light.  Angels do too.  So do many other “prophets” and “masters” from other religions and cultures as well.  In fact, the term “Halo Effect” is often used to describe the “glow” that practically shines forth around and within certain beings.  When this effect is witnessed the character is usually expected to be a genuinely trust-worthy person.

Why?  Why some and not others?  Do “Mormons” have a corner on the market of light?  Do all Mormon’s have this glow?  Does no one else?

Let’s dig a little deeper to explain just what this concept is.

Hidden even from most Mormons, in the very book that they believe is “theirs”:   their religion, their “goodness;” lies precious clues.  And these very clues are missed by the Mormons themselves.

One such clue:

According to the Book of Mormon, the Anti-Nephi-Lehies were a group of people who, after a significant change of heart, covenanted that they would never again participate in war.  They chose to bury their weapons, cease their judgments and war-like behavior, even laying down their lives while rejoicing if required (and it later became required) in a changed attempt to peacefully co-exist and represent human kindness to all, even and especially towards those whom they have previously viewed (for many prior generations) as having deeply wronged them and their forefathers. 

What Mormons fail to realize is the great hint Joseph attempted to give them in naming these people with their changed hearts and lives.  Although formerly they had referred to the various factions as “Nephites,” “Lehites” and “Lamanites,” etc., they now had laid down not only their contrived weapons, but also their mental and verbal attempts at division and labeling.  They now shared a new collective NON-Name.  They were “ANTI” group designations, seeing everyone on the planet as their mutual brothers and sisters and all people as belonging to the one human race and included in one global family.  They were NOT “Nephites,” NOT “Lamanites,” NOT Anything-ites.  They now saw themselves as individuals, each a part of the whole global family of man.  Anonymous, if you will.

Along with this one clue regarding a changed heart bringing a lack of judgment and division, Mormons have missed other tremendous clues.  Scriptural phrases abound in the Book of Mormon regarding a new sensory ability being developed.  Like trying to describe sight to one born blind, various phrases have been employed to attempt to whet the initiates’ appetites and give a vision and hope to proceed through to the promised reward:  CHARITY (wisdom with “eyes that see,” “ears that hear”). These various phrases are: “and thus we see,” “thus we see,” “thus we may see,” “we can behold,” “we can see,” and, finally, the descriptive and meaningful “and thus we can plainly discern.”

Mormon, the principle abridger of the Book of Mormon, and the one from which the Mormon nickname derives, employs this phrase in abridging the account of the remarkable conversion of the Lamanites who changed their name to the Anti-Nephi-Lehies. As I shared before, they presented themselves to be slaughtered by their former fellow Lamanites rather than risk offending “God” by using their swords against them. After recording these extraordinary events, Mormon observes:

“And thus we see that, when these Lamanites were brought to believe and to know the truth, they were firm, and would suffer even unto death rather than commit sin; and thus we see that . . . they buried their weapons of war, for peace.”  Mormon goes on to explain that the Anti-Nephi-Lehies “would lie down and perish, and praised God even in the very act of perishing under the sword.” In sharing this significant account of applied faith, Mormon explains:

Now when the Lamanites saw this they did forbear from slaying them; and there were many whose hearts had swollen in them for those of their brethren who had fallen under the sword, for they repented of the things which they had done.

“And it came to pass that they threw down their weapons of war, and they would not take them again, for they were stung for the murders which they had committed; and they came down even as their brethren, relying upon the mercies of those whose arms were lifted to slay them.

Mormon records that “the people of God were joined that day by more than the number who had been slain” and that “those who had been slain were righteous people, therefore we have no reason to doubt but what they were saved.” He then adds, “Thus we see that the Lord worketh in many ways to the salvation of his people.”

Mormon later comments: “And thus we can plainly discern, that after a people have been once enlightened by the Spirit of God, and have had great knowledge of things pertaining to righteousness, and then have fallen away into sin and transgression, they become more hardened, and thus their state becomes worse than though they had never known these things.

Segregation and contention offend conscience (the light of Christ) and often provoke one to assuage conscience through self-justification.  The Book of Mormon story-line starts off with two older brothers, Laman and Lemuel, and continues throughout with their posterity and others justifying their contempt of their brothers in attempts to feel better themselves as well as gain “converts” to their “more correct” actions and perspectives. Mormon sometimes referred to this pattern of self-justification and indoctrination as the incorrect “tradition of their fathers.” Indeed, he records that in an uninterrupted pattern, Lamanite parents had taught their children to hate their cousins over many generations.  They were “better than” others, “puffed up” in the pride and vanity; God’s chosen people.

Repeatedly within the book they hold up as “the most correct book upon the earth,” there are hints given to the setting one’s self or group up as better than another/ others along with justifying further judgment, contentions, alienation.  Ironically, as a Mormon male climbs the ladder of religious “success,” he is given opportunities to be “set apart” (segregated, “puffed up”) as more special, more powerful, given greater and greater “priesthood.”  Little do these “believers” realize that as one separates himself and his family because of religion, culture, socio-economic status, opportunities to learn, political or gender bias, country of origin, capabilities, etc. he is cutting himself off bit by bit from this very “light of Christ” (conscience) that is inherent in all people everywhere at birth.  His “Mormon glow” actually diminishes the farther he “ascends” the ladder of “priesthood authority.”

Yes, Mormon’s have more reason to shine than some others.  They have a great book filled with hints at their disposal.  But, failing to understand HOW to read it, they miss the clues.  Over time, many once-shining Mormons lose their light.  Thus, the “Mormon Glow” fades.  Unknowingly, these very LDS who gravitate largely to the “goodness” of the “white-skinned” people held up throughout the book as the epitome of the followers of Christ, become less and less “white and delightsome” and more “past feeling,” “dark” and “loathsome.”  Until the day when there is utterly “no light within” them.  Paradoxically, they fail to realize that the “dark-skinned” race which they are repeatedly advised to avoid intermarrying refers NOT TO THE COLOR OF THE PHYSICAL SKIN but to the LACK OF AURA/ LIGHT... the SPIRITUAL SKIN.  Their very feelings of superiority (being “God’s Chosen People”) takes away the very light they once had until they are left to their own left-brained, dark devises.

Yes, as their own favored book also warns:  "Blindness comes by looking beyond the mark."  "The mark" refers to assisting "the work of the Father" in joining back together in one equal family unit.  Each and all enjoying global humanity.

How does this happen?  Well, Jesus warned about following leaders and using their eyes to see and chart one’s course in life by.  He warned his followers in Matthew 5 to “pluck out” the eye, or rather, leave the fellowship of one who attempted to “see for them” and guide them to “heaven”, their religious leader. Jesus went on to say that it was better to enter into the kingdom of heaven blind rather than to fall into the ditch with one’s blind guide.

Yet, the very things the current LDS church encourages:  seeking worldly knowledge and educational degrees, the pursuit of money, to be acknowledged as an “honorable man or woman” by society, worldly success and talents, “genealogy work,” temporal beauty, all these “targets” increase one’s stress, confusion, and take away their light.  The very Mormon culture alienates an otherwise “disciple of Christ” from a view of global harmony:  seeing all others as equal, precious, and of one’s true family. 

Although acknowledging that a “perfect brightness of hope” is encouraged within “the Church,” Utah, the Mormon capital of the world, is also the “Prozac capital of the world.”  Innumerable are the Mormon women who put on their “Sunday Faces” yet inwardly are depressed and stressed in attempting to be who they are outwardly dictated to be.

So, are there good, “light and delightsome” people within the Mormon ranks, exhibiting the “Mormon Glow”?  Yes, many, many of them.  They truly are a delight.  However, those with this “Glow” exist everywhere, within many different denominations, and particularly among those who have left any religion and found “the Kingdom of Heaven” within them self. 

Anyone can do this. Again, the Book of Mormon holds clues.  King Benjamin gave this hint:  “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.”  While claiming to be “children of God,” the Mormons fail to real-eyes that their very light is amped up by assisting humanity; not for their own personal sense of worth, nor adding numbers to their personal segregated group/ religion, but as benefits all humanity equally.  Truly, the more one learns to trust the light within them self, the greater they can trust that very light and the more it grows, becoming brilliant, clear and expansive.  Palpable.  When a human being grows in “light” and “intelligence” they literally, spiritually, mature and become no more a spiritual “child of God” but a full-fledged adult “Beloved Sun.”  Shining and radiant as their spiritual parent.

My husband remembers two experiences vividly.  The first occurred while talking with a “Hari Krishna” four decades ago in a grocery store parking lot.  He remembers never yet seeing anyone so alive, so radiant.  The second was in conversation with a “Jehovah’s Witness.”  He will never forget the beauty or palpable light of either of them.  Neither can time diminish the feeling he felt in either of their presence.  There are many “spiritually beautiful and alive, white and delightsome” people.  Within any skin tone and every culture and every religion, including the “religion” of atheism.

Seen by some, felt by others, the feeling of JOY, otherwise known as “a perfect brightness of hope” IS an attainable state.  As one truly seeks this reward:  JOY with its counterpart CHARITY, they Will, indeed, eventually find it... if they seek it with ALL their heart.  That is the universal promise.  No matter which religion or absence of religion one finds them self in.  Their journey will end in that brilliant, palpable vibration.  Until then, “eyes that see” WILL see a happy, clean, alive “GLOW” within and surrounding those who have discovered “Heaven” within themselves.

May we each look for the light within each other.  May we each develop our true “eye-sight.”  May we each grow the light within our self... until the entire globe becomes a glowing orb.  A collective “sun” of God, a “Body of Christ”.  Harmonious, Glowing, Humanity.  Namaste’:  the light within me sees and honors the light within you.

My Dearest Tanner, and his beautiful bride, Morgan ~

I acknowledge forthright that it is likely you will not understand what follows.  Risking judgment and misunderstanding, yet knowing for twenty-four and a half years your (Tanner’s) heart, I share my heart.

Though your spirit visited me three years before your official birth in a marvelous preparatory experience; though you announced your forthcoming arrival spirit-to-spirit (Mother’s Day 1992) and I rejoiced with that announcement; though I offered my body (exhaustion, nausea, uncomfortableness) for nine months as you developed within me, then the labor and delivery that gave you life; though I lovingly obliged swaddling and nursing you from my body for another twelve months; though I changed your diapers, wiped your nose, read you story-after-story, held you and soothed you, fed you, taught you, held you more, laughed with and explored this beautiful world with you, loved you unfalteringly…  (All of this and more is tenderly conveyed in my life story), you were physically ripped from me then systematically emotionally stripped from me when you were only ten… still so young, still developing that conscience and your ability to reason on your own.  I then had to watch from the side-lines as I viewed from a distance the implanted stories that superseded and twisted the Real Truth of our relationship.  Though and through all this… I have respected your time table of living your adopted reality.

I have hoped and invited that you would be open enough, or at least sufficiently curious, to investigate “the rest of the story.”  I have spent hundreds of hours writing my autobiography, hoping that, though you were not yet ready to open up your mind and heart to verbally ask me to fill in the many holes in your understanding, offering you another possible alternative view (mine), perhaps you would feel more comfortable to read and consider “My Truth” in solitude.  Perhaps you have judged that my life story would be filled with anger, retaliation, inventions, dishonesty.  If so, then you truly do not know me.  All of your childhood I worked vigilantly to instill within you the creed of respect for all.  I would feel great disappointment if you ever chose to dis-respect your biological father.  Or your grandparents.  Or the LDS Church which you have, with and through them, embraced.  I have not, will not, verbally nor in writing dis-respect them… or anyone.   Yet, if I did not allow the truth of my life to at least be available to be read and considered, I would be violating my own self-respect.  Thus, I have invested those hundreds of hours, dollars, and offered multiple invitations for you to at least consider a viewpoint that you have not yet been fully privy to.

Planned paradox, Jesus’ gospel caused cultural and familial rifts as well.  Joseph’s desired reiteration of the pure gospel did, too.  Indeed, every culture, through many dispensations of time, have allowed for established groups (political, geographical, cultural, familial) to transition and mutate.  July 24^th marks Utah’s celebration of their “pioneers.”  Ironically, those who then choose to “pioneer” to more advanced (at least in their own minds and hearts) levels of truth are ostracized, shunned, and deemed “unworthy” of even being fully included in celebratory occasions… even of their own beloved children.  Now I am judged “not worthy” of fully participating and witnessing you in your self-proclaimed “most important moment of your most important day of your life.”  Yet, I am the one who made that life possible. 

Likewise, though I have adamantly and repeatedly conveyed that I support your decisions in your life, including your decision of who to marry and even where and by whom to marry… you have not offered that same respect to me.  I have not stipulated that you call David (Seely) “dad”.  Respectfully, you could call him any name, I know he would not mind; as long as it was done in respect and while acknowledging that he is, as Morgan is to you, MY partner.   Though it further stabbed my heart and proceeded to place a greater wedge in our relationships, in 2004 you and your siblings were told NOT to call nor refer to ME any longer as “Mommy” but that Jennifer was now granted that title and that she was your "eternal mother."  Yet, even though David (Seely) and I have freely, joyfully, and on multiple occasions offered our home, our food, our love, our respect, etc. to YOU, your siblings and your friends, you choose to not acknowledge nor welcome him except to placate me.  Yes, Our marriage was performed by One to whom you do not give authority.  Yet it (our union) is every bit as “legal” and “lawful” in our God’s eyes as any other.

 The LDS church would say that since I chose to dissociate and later relinquish its authorized temple sealing, then I am no longer a part of your “eternal family unit” after all.  Ironically, it was my inquisitiveness and my open mind, wanting the highest truth possible… at all cost… that led me from my active association with that group, yet allowed me to find that “Pearl of GREAT PRICE.”  I have no regrets whatsoever my thirty-eight years of solid, full-hearted service and membership within the LDS ranks.  Those experiences were profoundly necessary stepping stones for me.  However, I am profoundly grateful that my “broken heart and contrite spirit” allowed me to fully open up to the realization that the pure gospel of Christ that I was intensely seeking membership in had been hi-jacked.   Yet, aware of the tenacious tentacles of any and all “churches,” I have endeavored to primarily allow other individuals, even my own biological children, to spiritually mature and awaken in their own time and way, with just occasional hints and with enduring love and respect for their own spiritual time-line.

Tanner, I raised you to be sensitive, to be respectful, to be my friend.  This is what I want; an equal, respectful relationship.  Gratefully, you freely acknowledged that I have “no malice whatsoever in (my) heart.”  Yet, I do have experience in my heart.  And wisdom made available from deeply pondering on that experience.   I know that temples are the Mormon religion's most sacred places and only Mormons who obey the church's teachings are allowed within. TRULY I understand this… been there, done that… with ALL OF MY HEART!  I know that you hold temple marriage among your most important goals.  I KNOW that Mormons believe a temple wedding seals a marriage for eternity, to last even after death. It is a treasured cornerstone of the faith. I KNOW that your God and your Church Authorities come before me and our relationship.  Yet, the irony is strong:  I have dedicated my life to the search of Real Truth, respect for All, globally living in harmony as ONE (singular) ETERNAL FAMILY of a mutual “Father.”

I know that on this “most important day of your life” you want me to be outside the temple, waiting.  I know that you will come out after the ceremony and look for your mother's smile - a silent assurance that everything is OK.  I know you love me.  I know that, in your own way and clouded by your own experiences and the way those experiences have been programmed into your memory, you believe you are maneuvering through this “most important day of your life” to the best of your ability.  I truly believe that you have thought deeply, weighing all variables and, together with Morgan, come up with what you believe to be the best scenario to create this “most important day of your life” as harmoniously as possible.

Though I have four times before, I can no longer stand and wait outside a place that promises eternal families, but stands between me and my child.  My God would never ask this of a mother, or a son.  My God invites you to make the very best of this “most important day of your life” without my physical presence.  Yes, I will be smiling.  Yes, I will be beaming respect and support of your decision.  Yes, I will gladly welcome Morgan into my heart and home, acknowledging her as your wife, my daughter-in-law.  Your future children will be preciously loved as my grandchildren.  Yet, because of all the judgments and lack of respect and full disclosure of those attending and their smiles of “all’s well in zion, yea, zion prospereth” when I know fully well… it does not (!), my support and smiles will be from a distance.  If you choose to visit, and you are heartily welcomed to… with pure respect and non-judgment…  you and Morgan will be given a simple reception at our dinner table, with our simple thrift-store clothes and home-cooked meal; yet, with unfaltering love for you both.  Husband and wife.  Joining your individual journeys back to a mutual Father in one grand adventure.

Though I had planned on participating to the degree that I was invited and deemed “worthy” in this “most important day of your life,” I had also planned on participating fully from that eventful visit three years prior to your birth and throughout all your childhood… and into and through eternity.  Those plans also were changed.  Though I was there for almost continual 24/7 care and nurturing for your first ten years, I have since been the recipient of the oft-given message that I’m “not worthy” any longer to be included in many things, including your “most important day” as your “mother” and in company with others who respect me and WANT me in their company.

Tanner and Morgan, you have every right to believe and worship according to the dictates of your own conscience (A of F 11).  Also, Matthew 10: 37, a verse that, I believe, you believe, states that: He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.  Having been where you are now in my beliefs, I understand how you interpret this (and all other holy writ).  I endorse you living in alignment with your interpretation of that, and would not ask you to do otherwise.  Probably you also believe:  “Where two or more are gathered together IN MY NAME there will I be also.” 

No matter your beliefs, your conscience, your perspective, how you interpret “IN MY NAME,” I live my life IN THE NAME OF “CHRIST”… as I KNOW HIM.  I welcome you and Morgan, and anyone else, to visit me, David and Krystal, with respect for each of us and our union… even if you hold differing viewpoints.  Our home will continue to be open to you and your friends… in respect of our mutual perspectives, yet, if desired, a receptive place to laugh, enjoy camaraderie and even mutually engage in open-hearted exploration.  This is what my Christ’s life and gospel is all about.  My life as well.

Tanner, regardless of how you and Morgan choose to read and interpret the words that I have used to portray the deepest yearnings of my heart, I choose to focus on the bond we have had for 24 years.  Even though that bond has been snatched and twisted by others, in my heart a “holographic image” remains.  No one, no church, no outside stories, are going to take that away from me.  I truly believe that, eventually, the reality of that bond will again match its original essence.

Although I have given you very little monetarily or materialistically in preparation for your future life and marriage, like the “Widow’s Mite,” my offerings have been done with great love and honor for you and your choices.  Your life, your earliest foundational experiences, hopefully, have been blessed because of my simple, yet sincere offerings.

I deeply love you both.

I wish you joy on your journey.

I welcome you with joy when you choose to respectfully acknowledge MY union with David, ME as your mother.  In my heart, you will never, could never, be ex-communicated from my eternal family unit nor disassociated if that association is participated in with mutual respect.

Warmly, tenderly, enduringly, unfaltering, “I charity you.”  Mom

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY... to My *Beloved*

Today marks the "Third Anniversary" of my union with the one known as "David Seely." Although MUCH more will be written and revealed... in time... I share my heart in the following words... for now:

Though some--with their own selfish agendas of misery and division--view our union as no "marriage,"

Yet, Those Who Truly KNOW--see our union as having taken a (would-be) *MAN* who Was superficially married, yet truly single, lonely, adulterated, artificial, temporally-fixated, and through the application of great love in the form of intense heat and in the furnace of affliction at times, has warmed, expanded, broken, healed, exposed, broken some more, re-aligned, and caused to bring forth a truer harmony, a richer spirit, a far greater treasure... in a more precious heart.

That which had been fake, pretend, polluted, incongruous with the Real Truth of Your Soul has been purged.

And there, in its place, no matter how it's perceived, defined, judged by any others, you are finding Your Self:
A true marriage within You.
A union of purified characteristics.
A wholeness.
Unique, yet ultimately capable of being needed, used, and in union with Me.
And all Those who, likewise, have married Them Self to become Single, Whole, One.

For ten weeks now, You have given me a heart daily. You have created physical representations--with paper, pen, and scissors--of the phenomenon of your discovery of Love:

a deeper, purer, wholesome Love. For Me...

and, thus, for all of humanity...

but only because that which had been fractious, adulterated, unwise and selfish compassion, has been discovering and ascending into Love with your True Being.

THIS MARRIAGE--of your distinct qualities within Your Heart--has allowed a deeper, purer, more intimate, more True Union of what had previously been 2 hearts.
Yours. + Mine. Now = Ours. One.

Your marriage with *You* has allowed Our marriage to come forth, blossom, bear fruit.
May you eternally continue to hold to Your purity, Your divinity, and thus, to Me... and All That Is.
Forever. And Always. And Eternally, Kimberly/Sophia

A woman can only be a True "Help Meet"
for a (would-be) man,
when she stands taller,
sees farther,
and with the leverage of being the mountain upon which they both are ascending, she reaches down, exerts strength far beyond her own, and lifts him up to stand fully beside her.
Merging as One.

This is Marriage.
This is Love.
This is for Eternity.

A man must let go of his desire to be singled-out as "worthy," "good," "honorable," through his own devises, humble himself completely, becoming pliant, bendable, weak, foolish, submissive, to arrive at a place of strength, union, oneness, marriage, utilizing his unique contribution no longer for individual notoriety, but for the Good of All. This is True Marriage. This is the recipe for a Real *Gentle* Man.

A couple is a single entity.
Not made up of two halfs,
but of two wholes.

1 + 1 = ONE

and they... and the entire world...
are blessed.

The only way to discover your Self
is to commit suicide to your self.

The only way to find your life
is to lose your life
in the service of others.

For a man to devote himself...
completely...
to his woman
is to devote himself...
deeply...
to the betterment of the entire world.

For she, then, can devote herself...
completely...
to the children...
and their children...
and theirs.

And, thus, the carnal earth is transformed into Eden.
Paradise resumes.

Man finds him Self:
One Spiritual entity composing
two physical bodies: male and female.
One God. A singular Couple.
Indeed,
"God"
performs the "marriage,"
in the "garden,"
of "Adam" and "Eve".
A united, single, whole "Couple" is born.